She's Gone
by GraciePie
Summary: Alex is killed. The toll it takes on Bobby and the others is devastating.
1. Chapter 1

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: Not mine, all Dick's._

_A/N – Not a sequel or anything to "The One Off", just an idea that popped into my head driving home tonight. I must warn you…no happy ending. Please review. Thanks._

Bobby lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. He lay there and watched a house spider make its way across the ceiling from one corner to another. If Alex had seen this, she'd be all over him to get it down. She couldn't stand the thought of a spider falling down on her while she slept. He smiled half-heartedly. Bobby looked at his clock - six in the morning. He could hear the baby crawling around in her crib. He glanced at the spider again. Enough, he thought. He pulled himself out of his bed, careful not to look at the empty side, the side where the blankets hadn't been touched and the pillow was missing. He pulled on his robe and padded down to the baby's room.

Nan was standing up in her crib. She had just learned to pull herself up. She smiled at her father, making happy baby noises at him. Her fine blonde hair stuck up everywhere, her one tooth shining at him. He picked her up and changed her diaper. He walked with her on his hip into the kitchen to make her rice cereal and her bottle. The phone rang. Bobby ignored it. The answering machine clicked on.

"Bobby, it's Carolyn. Um," her voice choked up on the tape. There was a shuffle and a new voice came on. "Bobby, it's Deakins. We'll be there at eight." There was a pause, like his captain wanted to say something else. The line went dead. Dead. Hmm, Bobby thought. His daughter slapped at the spoon in his hand, sending rice cereal everywhere. Her laugh sounded like little bells. He stooped to get the spoon, rinsing it off and started over again.

After getting Nan dressed in the outfit she'd worn for Christmas just two weeks ago, a little green dress with ribbons and lace that Alex absolutely had to have for her, Bobby put her down in her playpen so he could get dressed. He pulled out his dress blues, right down to the hat and the polished to a shine black shoes. He put his badge in his pocket and his gun in his holster. He went to grab his keys from the nightstand. His eyes fell upon the ring box. He sank down on the bed and opened it. The diamond ring sparkled at him and he remembered the look on Alex's face when she opened it. She had thrown her arms around him, so happy. She admitted she'd been mad when on Christmas he didn't give it to her. Everyone expected it, herself included. He didn't even do it on New Year's either. Bobby was anything but predictable. The 6th of January. He proposed to her on the 6th of January. He remembers the officers knocking on his door, someone from the 31st precinct, he can't remember who. He was in the middle of giving Nan her bath, remembers putting her little baby robe on and carrying her to the door with him. He saw the officers' faces and nearly dropped the baby. The female officer took her out of his arms. The male officer patted him on the shoulder, regretting his career choice right then, having to tell a fellow officer the mother of his child was killed in the line of duty. Bobby sighed and put the ring back in the box.

Eight in the morning. Bobby had been sitting in the car on the side of the cemetery road for ten minutes, playing with Nan. Another car pulled up behind him. He looked in the rearview mirror. It was Carolyn and Mike. Both were in their dress blues as well. Bobby got and out and walked around to the side of the car to get Nan out of her car seat. She was saying 'ma' over and over again, as if she knew what was missing, but she was too happy. He knew she didn't understand what was going on. But with each 'ma' he felt his heart break a little more. He was surprised there was anything left to break.

Carolyn reached him first. She reached up and hugged him hard. "Bobby, I'm so sorry." She started crying again. The baby reached out to her and grabbed her hat, her long black curls tumbling over her shoulders. Carolyn laughed through her tears. "You little stinker!" Carolyn coughed, cried and laughed all at once. "Let me take her Bobby. People are starting to show up." Bobby looked around, seeing his almost in-laws pulling up. Carolyn took Nan from him and put her hat on her head, talking to her in a singsong voice as tears dripped down her cheeks as she walked away.

Mike patted Bobby on the back. "Man, I'm so sorry." Bobby nodded. Mike understood. Not on a personal level, but he understood how Bobby operated. He just stood by him while Alex's mom and dad came up to hug him, followed by Alex's sister. Her nephew came running up to him. Bobby scooped him up in his arms.

"Where's Aunt Alex, Uncle Bobby? And Nana!" Alex's sister took him over from Bobby, who was sensing a breakdown of some sort. This little creature that she carried selflessly for her sister…

"I just have to get away for a second." Everyone nodded and turned to go up to the gravesite. Mike stayed behind, leaning against the car with him. Mike pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Bobby gratefully took one. They smoked in silence, waiting for everyone to arrive. Deakins found them just like that, leaning against the car, cigarette in hand, looking every bit the handsome police officers they were. He hugged Bobby and took a drag off Mike's cigarette.

"Bobby, I hate to bring this up, but I wanted to tell you. She did shoot him after he shot her. It was the last thing she did. He's dead too now. We just weren't sure at the time if it was their guys or her. She killed her killer." Deakins knew he was babbling. It was just too much of a shock. He had called Carolyn and Alex out on a case. Supposed to be open and shut, pick up the perp, bring him back, make him sweat and book him. It didn't go down that way at all. Carolyn went around to the back, her back-up guys following her. Alex had gone in through the front. Her back-up guys were close, but not close enough. The perp jumped out at her and shot her in the chest. Somehow, Alex managed pull her trigger, getting him in the head. Everyone thought it was the back-up, but the ballistics guy put it together – the bullet was from Alex's gun. The 31st precinct was sharing this case with MCS. Carolyn didn't have the heart to break Bobby's; she let the two officers go up there. "I just thought you'd like to know." Deakins placed a hand on Bobby's shoulder. Bobby nodded at Deakins. Thank you."

Carolyn made her way back around to the gravesite, Nan in her arms. The kid looked so much like Alex it was scary. Same blonde hair, brown eyes, and what a tiny baby she'd been. Carolyn remembered sitting on one side of Alex and Bobby on the other, both urging her to push. Nanette Olivia Goren was born the 25th of March at three in the morning. She weighed six pounds even, and looked smaller. Alex's mother insisted Alex looked the same way when she gave birth to her. It was clear now that Nan was going to be as tall as her father. Bobby had fallen asleep later that night and Carolyn stayed up with Alex, discussing how much fun it would be to start their partnership when she got back from maternity leave. Deakins had split up Alex and Bobby just as she went on leave. The upper brass had found out about them and Deakins couldn't pull any more strings. It worked out; Bobby got Mike and Alex got Carolyn. Alex asked Carolyn to be Nan's godmother, and Mike was her godfather. Carolyn laughed as she thought back at what a kick Mike got out of that one. She felt horrible, not being the one to tell Bobby about Alex, but she just lost it. She cried herself to sleep that night, had gone over to Mike's place.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: Dick's, not mine._

_A/N: Originally, I was going to have this just be from Bobby's point of view after losing Alex. But then I started going into everyone else and how they felt. I was about to go into Mike's, but then I fell asleep. It'll be more than just observation and reflection, though. Thanks for the reviews._

Mike opened his door that night to reveal a hysterical Carolyn. He had ushered her into his apartment to lie down on his couch. He couldn't get a word out of her that wasn't choked with tears. She finally cried herself to sleep. Mike had called Deakins, to let him know about Carolyn. That's how he found out about Alex. Then it all clicked. He laid on the floor next to Carolyn that night, debating between sleep or calling Bobby. Sleep won. Shaking off the memory, Mike stubbed his cigarette out as Carolyn approached them with the baby. Bobby did like wise.

"You of all people shouldn't be smoking, Bobby," Carolyn gently chided, handing Bobby his daughter back.

"She looks good in that hat, Carolyn." Deakins smiled. Nan was like a mini-Alex in Carolyn's hat. Bobby swallowed hard and handed Carolyn her hat back. Carolyn tucked her hair back into her hat. John Eames, Alex's dad made his way over.

"We're ready to start." John was also in his dress blues. He had been so proud when his daughter decided to walk in his footsteps. He pushed this thought out of his head and focused on his granddaughter and nearly son in law. He patted him on the back. "In my eyes, you're one of my sons." He took Nan out of Bobby's arms and walked over to the graveside.

There was not one dry eye. Some of Alex's friends from Vice were there, all of MCS, ADA Ron Carver and Olivia Benson from SVU was there. She and Alex went through the Academy together. They hadn't stayed close, just a few phone calls here and there. Olivia knew about Bobby, and that Alex had "stolen" Olivia's name for their baby's middle name. Olivia got a kick out of that. She caught a glimpse of the baby. She looked just like Alex.

Before Bobby knew it, the funeral was over. He was being walked back to the car, Mike and Carolyn on either side of him. He sat in the backseat, Nan asleep beside him in her car seat. Mike drove them back to Bobby's apartment. Carolyn carried the baby slowly up the stairs and put her in her nursery. Bobby sat on the couch, Mike beside him.

"Look, Deakins was going to tell you when you came back, but I thought I'd tell you now. Carolyn's coming back to us; all three of us will be working together." Bobby wasn't listening. Mike followed his gaze. There was a picture of Alex and Nan sitting on top of the TV. He looked back at his friend. Bobby sighed and put his head in his hands.

"Mike, I'm just going to go to sleep, okay? I'll…" Bobby shook his head and walked towards his bedroom. Carolyn came out into the living room to find Mike staring at Alex's picture.

"Mike?"

He turned to Carolyn. "Hey, I'm going to go. He went to bed."

"I'll stay, in case the baby wakes up." Carolyn hugged Mike and closed the door behind him. Carolyn crept to Bobby's room and opened the door. He was sitting on the side of his bed, the ring box in his hand. "Bobby?" He didn't turn. Carolyn sat next to him on the bed. She could see the tears running down his face. It got her started again. She went to stand up when Bobby grabbed her arm, pulling her back down again.

"Carolyn, I loved her more than anything." Bobby looked up at her. She couldn't hold it in. She wrapped her arms around him and sobbed.

"I should've been with her Bobby. And I should've come to tell you. I should've – " Bobby returned her hug.

"It's okay. It's not your fault." Bobby kissed her cheek. Carolyn looked up, hiccupping. She touched his lips with hers. They kissed for a moment before pulling apart.

"Bobby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Carolyn put her head in her hands and started crying all over again.

"Carolyn, lay down. Get some sleep." She obeyed. Bobby pulled the blanket over her. He knelt beside her. "None of this is your fault." It was too late. She was already asleep.

_A/N Part 2: Grieving makes people do strange things. I don't know how Olivia slipped in there. When I thought of the baby's name, it wasn't her I was thinking of, I swear! But I thought hey, it'll all work out. Please read and review. Thank you._


	3. Chapter 3

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: See previous._

Bobby quietly closed his bedroom door, careful not to disturb Carolyn. He stopped by Nan's door – still asleep. Bobby leaned against the door. He felt like a truck had hit him. He could understand - Carolyn felt it was her fault that Alex was shot. She needed comfort; she needed to know it was going to be okay. But he couldn't give that to her. _He_ didn't even know if it was going to be okay. He had Nan; she was all that was left of Alex. He had Mike and Carolyn and his work. He walked into Nan's room anyway. He had framed all the pictures he could find of Alex smiling and put them up throughout the apartment. There were about eight of them lined up on Nan's dresser. One picture after another, Alex smiling back at him. He inhaled raggedly.

Carolyn woke up, her chest tight, head pounding. She felt like crying again, but she felt like she was paralyzed. She had a dream. Alex was there. They were having coffee and playing with the baby, except they were sitting in the middle of Thruway. Alex kept wanting to move, kept making half-hearted suggestions that they should move out of the way. Each time Carolyn insisted they were fine. At one point in the dream Carolyn picked up Nan and walked away from Alex, waving to her. Alex looked at her funny and started walking in the opposite direction. Then Carolyn heard a gunshot. Then she woke up. She finally inhaled and let out a wail, squeezing her eyes shut, the tears dripping down her face and into her ears. She turned onto her side, the sobs wracking her body. She felt like she was being beaten. She opened her swollen eyes and focused on the ring box on the nightstand. She suddenly remembered where she was, how she got into the bed in the first place. She turned away from the nightstand and focused on the pillow-less side of the bed. She inhaled deeply, crying and laughing at the same time. Alex's shampoo. Carolyn had broken down and bought Alex a bottle of Aveda's rosemary mint shampoo, as a congratulations on finally getting together with Bobby. And to keep her from stealing Carolyn's stash. Carolyn smiled and stretched her fingers over the empty side of the bed. Carolyn remembered the kiss. Oh Bobby. He must think…I don't even want to know what he thinks right now, Carolyn thought. It just felt good to have some one's arms around her. It was just the wrong man's arms. The man who was engaged to her best friend. The man whose fiancée was now dead. And it was her fault. The tears started flowing again.

Bobby could hear Carolyn crying in his room. His room. It wasn't his room - it was his and Alex's room. This was his and Alex's apartment, their life. And now it was shot to hell. Heh, shot to hell, Bobby thought. God, kill me now. The baby turned in her sleep. Bobby instantly regretted thinking such thoughts. The baby started with her 'ma' routine again. Short nap. In robot mode now, so he didn't screw anything up, he picked up Nan, changed her diaper and walked out to the kitchen to get her food ready. Autopilot – check. He heard his bedroom door open as he handed the baby her bottle. Carolyn shuffled into the kitchen, smiling wryly at Bobby. He could tell she had been crying again. She ruffled the baby's hair. "Ma!" Carolyn squeezed her eyes shut and Bobby looked down at the linoleum floor, stared intently at it until the tears that had welled up dissipated.

"Carolyn, she doesn't know. It's…she's not."

"Bobby, I know." She pulled a hair band out of her now wrinkled dress pants and pulled her tangled curls back from her puffy face. "I'd better go." She looked at Nan who was smacking her bottle around on her high chair tray. Carolyn smiled wistfully as the baby looked up at her. She leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Rosemary mint. Carolyn felt the tears well up again. She grabbed her purse. "Bye, Bobby. Call me, if you need anything."

Carolyn hailed a cab outside of Bobby's building and gave them the address to Mike's place. She sprinted up the stairs and pounded on his door. She heard him shuffle over to it, undoing the lock. He opened the door. His eyes were red rimmed, his face pale. He was still in his uniform as well. He stood back without a word and let her in.

"Mike, I had a dream about her. She –" Carolyn started to fall. Mike reacted quick and pulled her up. "I kissed Bobby." Mike looked at her. "I didn't mean to. I just…I miss her so much Mike. A-and it's only been four days._ Four_ days! She's dead Mike! She's not coming back!" Carolyn started sobbing again. Mike took her to his room and laid down with her. He rubbed her back until she cried herself to sleep again. Four days. And counting…

Mike woke up as the sun was going down. Carolyn was asleep next to him. He got up, trying not to disturb her. He decided they had to eat something so he called away for some Mexican food, Carolyn's favorite. He called Bobby. No answer. That's great. He said a silent prayer that nothing had happened to him, one way or another. Bobby wouldn't; he had Nan, he had to be there for her. There was another knock at Mike's door. It was too early for the food. Never have I been so popular, he thought He opened his door to reveal Bobby, Nan on his hip. "Hey man, I just tried to call you. Come on in." Mike looked Bobby up and down. Wrinkled dress blues. God, what a trio they made. Alex must be getting a kick out of that; her dad taught her that dress blues were, in a way, holy. Alex just thought it was the most stifling outfit she ever wore, avoided it when possible. Bobby looked at Mike, head tilted to the left – trademark Bobby.

"She hated ironing." Bobby sat down on the kitchen floor, taking off Nan's snowsuit. Mike just shook his head. He would never figure out what was going on in that mind of his.

"I just ordered some Mexican. Carolyn's here, she's asleep though." Mike caught a small shudder from Bobby. "She told me about the kiss. She didn't mean anything by it. She's feeling really shitty –"

"How do you think I feel?" Bobby's voice was so quiet, but his statement was rife with pain and anger.

"I know. Well, obviously I don't know but…It's just I miss her too. I couldn't possibly miss her the same way either of you two do, but I miss her. And Carolyn, she's really losing her shit. She was her partner, she was there and she couldn't do anything to help her. She couldn't even tell you what happened, she felt so horrible. And if it kills me to look at Nan, I couldn't even begin to imagine how you feel." Both men looked down at the little girl who was crawling around Mike's kitchen floor.

"I know. I just…never mind. Do you have enough food? I'm starving and I really don't feel like cooking." Alex's stomach content – lasagna. The last thing he made for her. He couldn't even look in the refrigerator; her leftovers were still waiting for her.

"Yeah, more than enough." Mike went into his linen closet and pulled out a basket of toys for Nan. This made Bobby smile.

The food arrived. Carolyn woke up and came to sit in the living room with them, but didn't touch anything. Nan sat in her lap, working at her pacifier. "Why's she so sleepy?" Caroline asked Bobby.

"She woke up from her nap early. Then I dragged her out here. I didn't want to be there by myself. Had to get out." Bobby wasn't touching the food either. Mike picked up the containers and stuck them all in his refrigerator. He wasn't really all that hungry, come to think of it.

Jimmy Deakins sat behind his desk in his office. An empty bottle of scotch was an arm's length away .The remainder of it was sitting in front of him. He fooled himself and his wife Angie that he was going to get some loose ends tied up at work after the funeral. Fat chance of that. Jimmy had walked in and his eyes went right to Alex's desk. He turned right back around and went down to the liquor store, buying the best scotch he could find. And at his desk he sat for the past eight hours, plowing through the whole bottle. He didn't even feel it. His plan hadn't worked. He dared not glance out into the bullpen. He tried that earlier; he cried like a baby. He was past crying, now at rage. All sorts of what ifs filled his head. What if the three one's men had been a second quicker? They could've stopped him. Or maybe not. What if Carolyn had gone around front? Maybe the suspect wouldn't have had time to shoot, or wouldn't have even been there…or worse. What if the women had been together? He could've been overtaken, or he could've lost two of his best detectives. What if he had sent Mike and Bobby…or not have spilt Alex and Bobby up in the first place? He drained his glass. Jimmy Deakins was in a world of shit. He threw the bottle away, covering it with some crumpled papers, not that it mattered; the cleaning crew would be in later. He left his glass where it was, put his coat on and left the eleventh floor of One Police Plaza.


	4. Chapter 4

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: See previous chapters._

_A/N: Clearly I'm in some sort of mood. Forgive me. This doesn't get any more cheerful. Thanks for the reviews…_

_**Two Months Later…**_

It was a quiet day in the bullpen of One Police Plaza. Mike and Carolyn were sitting at their desks, paperwork in front of them. Bobby was pacing back and forth beside them. All three detectives were still a little shell-shocked. Bobby retreated inside himself more than ever. Mike attempted jokes, tried to be the lovable smart-ass but they all knew it wasn't really working. Carolyn was showing up for work, more and more exhausted. She was still having nightmares. She didn't tell anyone about her dreams. Sometimes Alex was there and in those dreams Carolyn seemed to always be turning her back on Alex. And then the gunshot. Always the gunshot. Carolyn flinched. Mike looked up at her, concern in his eyes. She shook her head and waved him off. Then there were the dreams when Alex wasn't there, and Carolyn kept searching for her, not finding her. Even worse than that were the dreams where Carolyn finds Nan, sitting in a corner saying 'ma' and pointing. Nan. Carolyn put her head down on her desk and stared at Bobby pacing, looking at a LUD sheet for the case they were working on. Mike looked up again at her.

"Hey kid," he whispered softly. Carolyn's eyes filled up with tears. She blinked them back quickly before looking up at him, a tight smile on her face.

"I'm okay." She looked back at Bobby. "Bobby? What are you doing tonight?"

Bobby stopped pacing. He picked a highlighter off of Mike's desk. "Nothing."

Carolyn frowned. "You're not doing anything?" Bobby exhaled impatiently before actually looking up at her.

"Yes, Carolyn, actually I am. I'm going out on a date." He glared at her. "What the hell do you think I'm going to do? I'm going to go home to my empty apartment, wait for my daughter to be dropped off and then I'm going to bide my time until I fall asleep."

Carolyn's eyes filled up again. Mike stood up, pinning Bobby to the pole next to his desk. "You don't have to be an asshole, Goren. She was just asking you a question." Mike pushed him hard against the pole again before releasing him. They stood staring at each other, other detectives staring at the little show. Deakins came out.

"Doesn't anybody have anything better to do? Back to work!" He didn't say anything to Mike or Bobby, just walked back into his office and slammed the door. Mike sat back down. Bobby stalked off towards the elevators.

"Why do you want to know what he's doing?" Mike looked at the LUD sheet Bobby had left on his desk before taking off.

"It's Nan's birthday." Carolyn watched the tears drip onto her paperwork. Mike let loose a long sigh. Carolyn stood up, grabbed her purse and ran towards the elevators. Well, that's just great, Mike thought. He caught Deakins' eye and shook his head. Deakins did likewise and went back to his telephone conversation.

Carolyn walked down the street to the coffee shop she knew Bobby liked to go to. It was Alex's favorite. There he sat, coffee cup in hand, staring out the window. Carolyn sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that." Bobby didn't turn to face her.

"I just wanted to know. It's Nan's first birthday. I didn't know if you were doing anything for it or not." She saw the expression on Bobby's face. "You forgot, didn't you?" Bobby nodded.

"I'm a horrible person. I-I'm a horrible father. What kind of father forgets his daughter's first birthday?" Bobby put his cup down and finally turned to look at Carolyn.

"You're not horrible. I think we've covered who the horrible one at this table is." Carolyn took his cup, swirling it before taking a sip. "Sorry, I needed it. I haven't been sleeping lately."

"Are you having nightmares?" Bobby looked at her closely.

"Yeah. I don't want to talk about them though." Carolyn changed the subject. "I could pick up a cake, Mike and I could come over. I got her a gift." Bobby half-smiled.

"You didn't have to do that." He looked at her. She looked worse than he did. He looked away. "If you guys want to, come over. I'll get her a cake though. I forgot, I should at least pick up some slack."

"Well, we all understand why you forgot. Honestly, Bobby, she's the only thing that keeps me from going crazy." Carolyn looked away as her eyes threatened to well up, yet again. "I just want to stay up and cry, not eat, not sleep at all. Just to get away from the nightmares. And I eat and sleep, the best I can anyway, so I can see Nan. That sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

Bobby thought about that. If it weren't for Nan…well, he didn't want to think about what would've happened if she hadn't been there. "No, it's not crazy. I know exactly what you mean." He stood up, draining his cup. They walked out of the coffee shop and back up to the eleventh floor.

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Deakins hung up his phone, finally. It was the Chief of Detectives. Jimmy looked out into the bullpen. Mike was, amazingly, doing paperwork and Bobby and Carolyn had just came back from where ever it was they had both stormed off to. Jimmy sighed. He got up and called Bobby into his office. Bobby came in, waiting for whatever was coming next. "I hate to do this to you but, this is coming from higher up. Bishop will be your partner again." Jimmy studied his best detective carefully. Bobby was wordless. "Look, I tried going to bat for you, but they didn't want all three of you teamed up, because of…"Jimmy trailed off. Still wordless. No, wait –

"I have a partner, remember. It's Logan. Barek's the one without a partner." Bobby glared at Jimmy hard.

"I'm sorry, Goren. I have no choice. Why do you think I was on the phone all morning?" Jimmy sighed. It seemed all he was doing was pleading and sighing lately. "She starts with you Monday." Bobby turned to leave when Jimmy grabbed his shoulder. "I'm really sorry, Bobby." Bobby nodded and went back over to Carolyn and Mike. Well, that went well, Jimmy thought to himself. Not.

"Hey, we're having a party! I'm psyched! I love cake!" Mike leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head. Bobby leaned against the desk with both hands.

"Yeah…Carolyn, you're Mike's partner. Again. They're sticking me with Bishop. Again." Bobby grabbed a chair and sat down next to the two desks. Mike and Carolyn looked at each in surprise.

"Does this mean…no cake?" Mike winked at Bobby. No one laughed. Well, I tried, Mike thought. "Next question – when?"

"Monday." Bobby once again gathered his things. "Listen, I'm going to take off, pick Nan up early. Come by around six if you feel like it." He turned to Mike. "Yes, there'll be cake, if only to shut you up." And off he went.

Mike hung his head sheepishly. "I'm an asshole, aren't I?" Carolyn reached out and squeezed his hand.

"You're our asshole." She managed a small smile. Wow, the first one in two months, Mike thought.

"Are you still having the dreams?" Carolyn nodded. "Do you want to stay at my place? At least you won't be alone." Mike looked at Carolyn. "I promise, no funny business." Another smile.

"That's really sweet Mike. Thank you." They continued on with their work.

**Bobby…**

Bobby picked up Nan, who was overjoyed at seeing her father. Clearly he was the only one who had forgotten her birthday. Alex's sister handed him a bag chock full of clothes, toys and books that the family had gotten for her. He was clearly not comfortable in the house without Alex. Her family let him off lightly. They understood, just so long as he didn't stop letting them see Nan. For his first week back to work Bobby had gotten a babysitter. Alex's mom called let him know he was more than welcome to let Nan stay there while he worked. They had a deal; she watched Nan and he made meals for dinner on Sundays. And so it was. He bid farewell, which took longer than usual – Nan didn't want to be separated from her cousin and was crabby about it. He buckled her into the car seat and she wailed nearly the entire way back to the city. He arrived at the bakery, picking up an eight of a sheet cake, and made his was back to the apartment.

Nan had fallen asleep, finally. He put her down in her crib and made his way back to the kitchen to put the cake away. He sat on the couch with a bottle of beer, biding time until Mike and Carolyn arrived. The 25th of March. He remembered Alex poking him in the side with the remote to wake him up. She couldn't sleep so she sat up watching infomercials. Her favorite had been the Time Life music series. Sometimes he's pretend he was asleep just so he could hear her warble along to the snippets of music. He finally woke up and she motioned to her belly as if she were Vanna White. That was at one in the morning. By two, they had made it to the hospital, Carolyn careening into the birthing room shortly thereafter. By three, Nan was there. Bobby had fallen asleep, knowing Alex had Carolyn's company. The next morning all sorts of cards and flowers flooded in, some from MCS, one from Carver and his wife, Olivia from SVU. It was after Alex had opened that card did they finally decide on a name for Nan. Alex had called Olivia to let her know, and he and Carolyn could hear the SVU detective laughing from the other end. He took another swig of his beer. Empty. Bobby didn't feel like getting up. He glanced at the clock. Four in the afternoon. His eye involuntarily went up to the picture of Alex. "You should be here," he said aloud to her picture form. He got up and started cleaning. A girl only gets one first birthday party, even if her old man nearly forgot.

**Mike's Apartment…**

Mike sat at his kitchen table, the light from the stove the only light on in his place. He could hear Carolyn's deep breathing from where he sat, relieved she was actually asleep. He was getting his stuff ready for the next morning. He had promised Bobby he'd take the film from the party to be developed on his way into work the next morning. He took one more look at Carolyn before going to bed. Her one leg was hanging off the couch, the blanket totally on the floor. Well, at least she was sleeping. He pulled her leg up gently and covered her up. She turned onto her side. Mike paused and then went to his room. He took off his clothes and jumped under the covers, quickly falling asleep.

Carolyn walked down a long corridor to where Alex and Nan sat in front of a big black door. Alex was playing peek-a-boo with Nan. They both turned when they saw Carolyn coming.

"Hey, Carolyn. What's going on?" Alex smiled up at Carolyn. Nan got out of Alex's lap and toddled over to Carolyn. She picked the baby up and slung her on her hip.

"Why'd you go?" Carolyn asked Alex. But Alex just looked at her, half amused and half confused. "Alex, why'd you go?" Carolyn grew panicked, knowing what was coming next. Alex smiled at her and waved. Then she opened the big door and stepped over the threshold. Carolyn turned and heard the gunshot. She woke up. She couldn't breathe. A door opened somewhere in the apartment. All of a sudden, a boxer clad Mike was standing over her.

"Carolyn, quiet, shh. It's okay." Mike held her as she cried. She didn't realize she was screaming.

A/N: There will be a pairing...I'm not sure who yet. Don't worry about Bishop though. Also, I don't know if you could tell, but I'm trying to go somewhere with all this Carolyn/nightmare issue. I want to see her work through it, and it gives me a way to put Alex in the story...even if it is in a weird way. R&R - Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: Totally not mine. Dick's to the max!_

_A/N- Swearing that sailors would be proud of...just a warning... _

Another month passed. Carolyn sat at her desk, watching Bobby and Lynn going over crime scene photos in one of the open conference rooms. From where she sat, Carolyn could see Lynn rolling her eyes. Mike came up behind her and nudged her.

"They haven't killed each other yet?" Mike motioned at Bobby and Lynn with his free hand. The other hand was holding a cup holder from Starbucks, a coffee for each of them.

Carolyn took a cup for herself. "You go all the way to that Starbucks just to flirt with the barista?" Mike smiled.

"Yeah. And you'll like this – she wasn't even there this morning." Mike sat down at his desk and grabbed some paperwork from Carolyn. "So," Mike started, "sleep okay last night?"

Carolyn shook her head. "This one was different."

"What was different?" Bobby came to retrieve the coffees for he and Lynn.

"Um, nothing Bobby." Carolyn couldn't bring herself to tell him about her dreams. He was harried enough, having to deal with Nan and now Lynn as his partner. "Are we still on for tonight?" Lynn's head shot up at Carolyn's question.

"Yeah, Mike are you coming?"

"Bounce House? Hell yeah, I'm coming." Mike clinked Bobby's coffee cup playfully. Well, there's a smile, Mike thought.

Lynn cleared her throat. "Why are you going to Bounce House?"

"It's Nan's big day out." Carolyn smiled at the thought of her. Lynn looked at Bobby, confused.

"Who's Nan?" Carolyn and Mike both looked at Bobby as well. Bobby looked down at the ground.

"Nan is, she's my daughter." Bobby walked away from the group of detectives. Mike looked at Lynn.

"I don't…I know I'm never going to replace Alex. I know that." Lynn started to walk away, then came back. "Is she Alex's?" Carolyn nodded.

"She looks just like her. She was only ten months old when Alex died. Sweetest kid. He never told you?" Carolyn looked up at Lynn. Mike cut in.

"Well, Lynn, you know how he can be – "

"Yeah, but…It's a kid. I don't know. I don't think I can work with him any-"

Mike cut her off. "Listen, kid. I know what it's like to not be wanted. But he needs a partner who's not going to walk out on him. It took a while to find Alex, and he really lucked out when they fell in love. Believe it or not, Bishop, he really is a nice guy. He's just weird and private and he misses his fiancée and he's trying to raise a daughter who will never remember her mother. So let's just cut him a little slack, got it?" The entire bullpen was staring at him, Bobby included. Lynn's face remained stoic.

"Got it," she whispered as she walked away. Bobby glanced at her before tearing ass across the bullpen towards Mike. Deakins was out of his office like a shot.

"All right! Goren, Logan – office, now!" They all marched into the captain's office. "Pardon my French, but what the fuck is going on?" He looked at his detectives. He was in no mood. He knew partnering Bishop and Goren was going to be a suck-fest, but at least they got the job done. "Why were you yelling at her?" He looked at Mike sprawled out in one of the chairs. Bobby was leaning against the wall like he always did.

"Well, this one here didn't mention his DAUGHTER to Bishop and made her feel like an ass in front of all of us. Then she threatened to get a new partner and I told her to cut him some slack." Mike motioned at Bobby.

Bobby pushed himself off the wall. "I do not need your pity, Logan. And I don't have to tell her every facet of my life. I am a private person!"

"Look, you just made her feel like an idiot. She didn't even know you had a kid. It's what normal people talk about. Sorry, forgot, you're Robert Goren, captain of the freaks." Mike instantly regretted saying that to him. He looked up at Bobby. He was expressionless.

"Well, glad that's all out in the open." Deakins shook his head at them. "Can you guys possibly sort this out? For me?" He batted his eyelashes, trying to lighten the mood. Mike and Bobby looked at him like he was crazy. "Sorry. So, seriously – work it out."

"Listen, Bobby, I'm sorry. But I just don't want to see you go through what Alex told me about."

"What exactly did Alex tell you?" Bobby shivered a little at the sound of her name.

"Well, about the whole partner issue before she was paired with you. I just didn't want Bishop to give up on you so quick. You're a good guy, like I said before. Bishop's situation is shitty; she's only around when Alex isn't here. And…well, I just feel bad for the kid. I know what it's like to work with you. But it's worse for her – she's not Alex and it's being screamed at her from all angles. Take it easy on her." Mike sat back in his chair. Deakins was pleasantly surprised.

"Kind of hard to believe this is the same detective who got sent to Staten Island." Deakins shot a grin at Mike, who bristled slightly at the reminder.

"I'll…try. She is good. She's…you know. Sorry, Mike." Bobby reached his hand out to Mike and shook it.

"Sorry, big guy. You should talk to her though. I don't know where she went." Mike and Bobby stood and left Jimmy's office. Mike went back to his desk and Bobby went to find Lynn.

_**On The Roof…**_

Lynn stood on the roof of One Police Plaza. She liked to go out there to think. Maybe I am being too hard on him, Lynn thought. She leaned against the door to the roof, looking up at the gray sky. But why wouldn't he tell her about his daughter. You bring stuff like that up. The door to the roof flew open, sending Lynn flying, landing on her knees. "Oh what the fuck?" Lynn stood up and checked out her knees. Each pant leg had a hole in them now, and one of her knees was bleeding.

"Bishop I'm sorry – what happened?" Bobby looked her up and down. Her red hair was a mess and she looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Son of a bitch, Goren! You sent me flying and my pants are ruined and my knee is bleeding! That's what fucking happened!" That was unprofessional, Lynn thought. Let's just let those expletives run wild; that's the way to get yourself some respect. "Couldn't you have knocked? Did you have to break the door down?" She looked at him now. He looked really sorry. "I didn't mean to yell. My knee's killing me now."

Bobby looked at her. "Look, I'm sorry. I've…I've been difficult. Obviously it's harder to work with you this time around because she's not coming back. You represent, you are the loss of Alex." Lynn just looked at him. Great, Bobby thought, alienate her even more. "I'm not trying to be mean, but it's hard. For both of us. And I'm not making that easier. And Mike's sorry he yelled at you. I would be grateful if you stuck it out." Bobby looked at her, looking at him.

Lynn sighed. "Okay. I got it. Can I get a band aid now?" She smiled at him and walked towards the door. Wow, a smile. That's new, he thought.

_**Later that night…**_

Carolyn walked through the big empty house. No lights but there were candles lit everywhere. She walked from room to room. "Alex? Where are you?" She opened a door on the third floor of the house. Bingo. Alex was sitting on a bed, looking like she had been waiting for Carolyn. There was a breeze coming from the open patio door. Carolyn could tell from the room's doorway that the drop was a long way down. She didn't have a good feeling about this. She turned back to Alex, who motioned for her to sit on the bed with her. She did and they both lay back against the pillows, Alex's feet tucked in beneath her.

"What took you so long?" Alex slapped Carolyn playfully. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Why'd you leave? You left us all. Nan, Bobby – " Alex put her hand up to Carolyn's mouth, shutting her up.

"Stop. I have to tell you something and I don't have a lot of time." She looked over at the patio door impatiently. "Take care of them, okay? I have to go." Alex stood up and brushed herself off. Carolyn stood up and walked back to the door she came through. Alex stepped onto the patio and started to tilt forwards. Carolyn turned and walked back down the hallway. And then the gunshot.

She woke up, sitting straight up in bed. Her phone was ringing. She picked it up and checked the caller ID. Bobby. "Yeah?"

Bobby sat in his bedroom, a crying Nan in his arms. "Carolyn, she's coughing so bad. I, I don't know what to do."

Carolyn checked the clock – two AM. "Bobby, just sit tight, I'll be right over. Carolyn hung up and got dressed, grabbed her purse and headed over to Bobby's.

_**Bobby's Apartment…**_

Bobby rocked Nan, but to no avail. Her nose kept running, and she had a nasty bark-like cough. She kept crying and coughing. The buzzer sounded. Carolyn. He buzzed her up. Carolyn heard Nan's coughing and took her out of Bobby's arms. "Do you have a humidifier?" Bobby shook his head, terror on his face. Carolyn never saw that look before. Chill, think of Nan, Carolyn thought. "Okay. Come in the bathroom with me. You're not going to have hot water for a while though." Carolyn handed Nan back to Bobby for a minute. Nan kept coughing, but the crying stopped when Carolyn got there. Carolyn turned on all the hot water taps, letting the steam build. She shut the door and put a towel in front of it for good measure. She took Nan back and sat on the side of the bathtub with her, rubbing her back. Bobby watched her for a minute before settling on the floor next to them.

"What's wrong with her?" Bobby said after a little while, watching Nan fall asleep in Carolyn's arms. Carolyn turned off the taps and maneuvered herself onto the floor next to him.

"Croup. My sister had it when she was about 4 or 5. My mom was scared shitless. It's the cough. It's down right creepy sounding."

"Well, yeah. I got up to check out the apartment and then I realized the sound was coming from her." Bobby brushed her damp hair off of Nan's face.

"Can you take her for a second? I've got to pull the nest back." Bobby took Nan and looked at Carolyn oddly. She pulled a hair band out of her pocket and put her hair in a ponytail.

"The nest? I've never heard that before." Bobby gave her a small smile.

"I'm a joy to work with when it's humid out. Curls are such a blessing," Carolyn said sarcastically

"This one lucked out; I've got curly hair but Alex has…had poker straight hair. She used to complain that she couldn't get it to do anything." They both smiled at that. Bobby looked at Carolyn closely. "Are you going to tell me about those dreams you keep having?"

"Bobby." Carolyn stopped and closed her eyes.

"You tell Mike."

"I don't tell Mike, I just tell him if I've had one or not. And more often than not it's a yes." She looked over at him. "They give me panic attacks or something. I wake up and I can't breathe and it feels like forever. Then slowly everything comes back. I can move, I can breathe and then I don't want to go through it anymore."

"Are they that bad?"

Carolyn thought for a moment. "The dream I had before you called? She actually talked to me this time. Usually she doesn't, usually…" Carolyn stopped, feeling the tears well up.

Bobby put his arm around her the best he could with a sleeping thirteen month old in his arms. "I'm sorry. I didn't meant to upset you."

"She said 'take care of them'. Then she jumped of the patio. Then the gunshot." Carolyn stared intently at the pipes under the sink. Bobby absorbed this information.

"I don't know what to say. My dreams are a little more pleasurable than that." Carolyn made a gross out face. "I didn't mean it that way, well sometimes they are, but they're more like flashbacks. Like the first time she came over to my apartment and started cleaning things. Or when we first kissed. Sometimes it's the night Nan was born. That one's the hardest." Bobby tightened his hold on Nan.

"Well, there are variations on three different themes. One is Alex is there and I'm trying to keep her from leaving. But she always does, and as she leaves I turn away from her and then I hear the gunshot and I wake up. The second theme is me searching for her, but to no avail. Those aren't so bad, just sad. The third," Carolyn looked at Nan, sucking her thumb in her sleep," Nan is at an end of a hallway or just sitting somewhere calling out 'ma' and I have to get her. It's only slightly more terrifying when she's screaming bloody murder and I can't find her. Those, those dreams…" Carolyn shook her head, trying to get the picture out of her mind. "Those are the scariest ones. Worse than turning my back on Alex, you know? I can't get back to sleep after those. So when I come in looking like death warmed over, you can guess which one exactly I dreamt about." Carolyn sighed.

Bobby wiped his forehead. It was really hot in here. "Hey, you want to get out of here? She's asleep and that weird wheezing sound's gone. And the cough." Bobby stood up and helped Carolyn to her feet. They opened the bathroom door and were hit with a wall of cool air. "I'll put her back in her crib." Carolyn nodded and went to wait for him in the living room. She looked around at all the pictures of Alex. There was one of Alex and Bobby, shortly after they started dating, one of Alex and Nan when she was about six months old. There were a few of Alex displaying her pregnant belly for the camera. Carolyn stood to get a closer look of one of her and Alex. It was taken just a week or two before the night she died. They were at the bar, all four of them. Nan was with Alex's mom for the night so Alex and Bobby could have a night out. They were playing some quiz game, guys against girls. The girls lost; why they'd agreed to a quiz game against Bobby, the world would never know but the losers got the winner's beers dumped on them. Alex and Carolyn didn't know about that particular detail, and it came as quite a shock. But they got over it. Mike had snapped the picture, the two of them in white t-shirts, covered in beer, looking like drowned rats. They were both giving the finger to Mike while laughing. Carolyn smiled.

"I'm going to have to hide that one from her when she gets older." Bobby came up behind her, peering over her shoulder.

"Well, you guys shouldn't have done that. The whole bar probably thought we were alcoholics, walking around reeking like booze." Carolyn put the photo back and sat on the couch again. Bobby sat down next to her.

"Thank you, for ah, coming over tonight. I would've ended up going to the hospital or something."

"For that kid, anything – just ask. Oh, the symptoms will probably stick around and only get really bad at night so be careful. Give her some baby Tylenol if you have any." Carolyn yawned. "I'd better get back. We have to be at work in," she looked at the clock on the VCR, "three hours." She stood to leave.

"Carolyn, you can stay. I'll grab you a blanket and you can have my pillow. You don't have to leave." Some thing in the way he said it made Carolyn turn around. She looked at him and realized he was crying.

"Bobby, it's okay. I'll stay." She walked over to him and put her arms around him. She looked up at him. His eyes were squeezed shut, tears coursing from the sides of his eyes. It made her feel like crying all over again.

"Why does she have to be gone? Why?" Bobby loosened himself from Carolyn's hug and flung an arm out, swiping the pictures off the top of the TV. Carolyn backed away, terrified of what he was going to do.

"Bobby, the baby – " Carolyn moved towards him, reached for his arm. He fell to his knees crying, sobbing at her feet.

"I, I, I, just want her back." Carolyn knelt down beside him, getting him to lay down. He did. He sobbed for a little while longer, his breathing becoming deeper and more regular. She grabbed a throw off the couch, covered them up and fell asleep on the living room floor beside him.

_**Lynn's Morning…**_

Nine thirty in the morning and Bobby still wasn't there. She sat at her desk, no Alex's desk, and studied the paperwork in front of her. He was never late when she worked with him before; sometimes he was there early. Deakins walked over to her.

"Hey, Goren just called in. The baby was sick last night. Croup. You'll be with Logan and Barek." Deakins glanced over towards Mike and Carolyn's desks. Only Mike was there. He waved and smiled at Jimmy and Lynn. Deakins suppressed an eye roll as he walked over to Mike. "Good morning, sunshine. Where's your partner?"

"Well, Nan has the croup, and Goren called Barek over there in the middle of the night for help. She called me early this morning." Mike cringed. "Forgot to inform you, sir. I apologize."

Jimmy did not hide this eye roll. "That's just great. Well, it's you and Bishop today then. Have fun." He nodded briefly at Lynn before walking back to his office. Lynn stared at her pen. That's great. She'd been ditched. She sighed and carried her stuff over to Carolyn's desk.

"Good morning Logan."

"Good morning Bishop." Mike smirked at her. His phone rang. "Logan? Well hey, kiddo!" Lynn looked at him while he was on the phone. She had a thought and dismissed it as soon as it came up. He's too old for her. He hung up the phone and grinned at her. Oh Jesus, she was in trouble. If she had to keep working with him…She pushed the thought out of head again.

"What's going on?"

"Well, that was your partner on the phone – "

"You call Goren kiddo?"

"No. First it was Barek, then Goren got on the phone. They wanted to know if I wanted to stop over there later, and if you wanted to come then you were welcome as well." Mike smiled at her.

Lynn felt her belly flip-flop. "Wait, I thought the baby was sick and that's why they called in?"

"The baby is sick. That's why we'd be going over there." Mike got serious for a second. "Do you know what happened to Alex?"

"No, just that she was shot."

"Carolyn was her partner. They weren't together when Alex was shot; Carolyn was at the back. They were also best friends. She's felt guilty about what had happened, and she felt guilty about not telling Bobby herself what had happened. So, she's laying a lot of shit on herself."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Bishop smoothed her already smooth hair back.

"I just don't want you getting the wrong idea about Bobby and Carolyn. He lost his fiancée and she lost her partner and best friend. I can see the wheels turning in your head – I know what you're thinking." He smirked at her again.

Oh, if he only knew. Where the hell did that come from? Lynn shook her head. "Sure, Logan. I get you."

"Good, you coming then?"

Lynn thought for a minute. She'd never been invited out before. People always mistook her for arrogant. Well, time to change that. "Yeah, I'll come out."

Mike smiled. "Good." He smiled to himself and got down in his paperwork.

Lynn watched him for a moment before returning to hers. That baby better get well soon, or she was bound to do something stupid. And stupidity for G. Lynn Bishop was intolerable…especially from herself.

_A/N – First, I don't really know if Barek has a sister so do with that what you will. Second, I don't like Bishop. But I felt bad for her early on. And I thought she needed to loosen up a bit…okay a lot. R&R – Thanks!_


	6. Chapter 6

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: These characters are totally Dick's and I just go to bed at night praying for them to be mine but alas, it shall not be for I am one broke chick._

_A/N- Thanks for the reviews! I'm trying to cheer it up a little (as evidenced by Mike in the last chapter) – it depresses me to write this, but I feel I write depressing stuff well. But I thank you guys for sticking with me! Also, some one gets some in this chapter. Heehee!_

Carolyn watched as Nan maneuvered her way around the living room. "She sounds a lot better, Bobby," she called out to Bobby. Bobby came out of the kitchen where he was making breakfast for Nan. He came out and sat on the couch beside her. Nan ran to him and he deftly lifted her into the air, a smile erupting on his face as she giggled.

"Let's get you fed, Madchen." Bobby stood and took his daughter into the kitchen. Carolyn thought for a second, and then followed them into the kitchen.

"Madchen?" She smiled at Bobby. Bobby looked up at her.

"Yeah, it's German. It means girl."

"I know what it means. I speak a million different languages. I picked up a little German." She nudged him and sat down. "Let me feed her, you go take a shower." Bobby reluctantly relinquished the spoon to Carolyn and got up. He paused just before going into the bathroom.

"Thank you, for staying last night. And for coming over in the first place. I appreciate it." He smiled at her and went to take his shower.

Carolyn thought to herself while feeding the baby. She had never seen him look like that before. She had to admit it scared her. He didn't even look like that at the funeral. She looked down at the baby's bowl. "All done! Time to get you cleaned up!" The baby clapped and laughed. Carolyn wiped off Nan's face and pulled her out of her high chair, letting her toddle off into the living room. She heard Bobby get out of the bathroom. Nan heard as well and pointed, making her question baby noise. This was one smart kid. Bobby joined them in the living room.

"So, how did I get this bruise on my head?" Bobby pointed to a purple mark just above his left eye. Carolyn looked embarrassed.

"I might have hit you, in my sleep."

"What dream was it this time?" Bobby fingered the bruise lightly while engaging Nan in a wooden puzzle of the alphabet.

"It was a find Alex dream." Carolyn looked at the pictures she had cleaned up from the night before. Bobby nodded to himself, while keeping up banter with Nan. "So is Mike coming over right from work?"

"Yeah. I told him to bring Lynn. I'm trying to make an effort."

"Well, calling off on both of them – Lynn's probably thrilled to pieces with you. Now she's stuck with Mike." Carolyn laughed at the thought of Lynn and Mike trying to work together. They couldn't be more opposite. Bobby cocked his head to the side.

"You don't think they'd do well?" He fit Nan's hand with another puzzle piece.

"Well, take how incredibly straight-laced she is and how much of a smart-ass Mike can be…oh yeah, they'll do fine," Carolyn said sarcastically. "I'm a little hungry. Is there anything good in this neighborhood besides Chinese? It's a little early for that."

"Well," Bobby thought for a second, "there's a deli around the corner. Best prosciutto around. And melon –"

"Oh and risotto!" Carolyn was getting hungry. "All right, you got me. Where is this place?"

"It's across the street. Too early for Chinese but we're going to have risotto?"

"Not my fault you brought up prosciutto." Carolyn grabbed her purse and left. Bobby thought to himself while entertaining Nan. He felt kind of embarrassed that he let himself break down like that in front of her, that he asked her to stay. He shook his head, fed up with himself.

**_Later, that same day…_**

"Are you sure it was okay for me to come?" Lynn walked at a quick pace to keep up with Mike. They had both went home to change. Mike was wearing a very flattering pair of dark rinse boot-cut jeans and a t-shirt with his leather jacket. Lynn herself changed into a pair of jeans and threw on a Kelly green v-neck sweater. Mike turned to look at her. The sweater against her hair made her eyes pop. He smiled and turned around. She's way too young for you, Mike thought. She tripped suddenly, reaching out for his arm to stop herself.

"Whoa kid! Have you already gotten into the booze?" There was that smile again. Lynn steadied herself.

"No, I have not been drinking. I would've had to start drinking at work and I certainly haven't done that." Oh shut up! Lynn cringed inwardly. Why was she being such a moron? They reached Bobby's apartment and he buzzed them in. In the elevator on the way up, Lynn stole a glance at Mike. He caught her looking at him.

"I'm too old for you," he said tauntingly. Lynn's heart skipped a beat, and she could feel herself start to turn red.

"What are you talking about? Are you always this self-absorbed?" Shit. Even her eyelids were burning.

"I know what you were thinking because I was just standing here thinking that you were too young for me. Chill out, Cherry." The elevator stopped. Lynn followed Mike out.

"Cherry?"

Mike snorted. "Between your hair and the color your face takes on when you're embarrassed, yeah. Cherry." He punched her in the arm lightly. As if it were possible, Lynn felt herself get redder. The door opened, revealing Carolyn and an adorable blonde baby. There was no mistaking – this was Alex's kid. Only the nose gave away the fact that Bobby was her dad.

"Oh Lynn, I'm glad you could come. Come in." Carolyn stood back from the door, letting Lynn in first, Mike bringing up the rear, giving Carolyn a kiss on the cheek.

"Hello trouble!" Mike reached to take Nan from Carolyn. Nan laughed. Bobby came into the kitchen.

"Uh, hello Lynn. We didn't know if you were going to come." Bobby looked at her. He looked like hell.

"Well, thanks for inviting me. What's your daughter's name again? Nan?" Bobby nodded. "She is a cutie." Lynn smiled at him. She was rewarded with a small one back.

"Thank you." Bobby greeted Mike, stealing his daughter back from him. "Let's all go sit down." The group made their way to the living room. Bobby put Nan down and she toddled over to Lynn.

"Eh eh?" Nan pointed to Lynn and looked over at her father. Bobby smiled.

"She wants you to pick her up." Lynn granted the baby's wishes. Nan settled in against Lynn, sucking her thumb, observing. Lynn smiled.

"She looks like you, minus the thumb-sucking." Bobby grinned, clearly proud of his child.

"Well, she's tired. Let me put her to bed." Bobby came over and took Nan from her. Carolyn looked at Mike looking at Lynn. What was going on there? Carolyn wondered.

"Sorry I called in on you today. It was a rough night."

"No problem at all. Lynn and I did just fine without you guys, didn't we kid?" Mike winked at her, his hands laced behind his head.

"Just great." She could feel herself going red in the face again.

"Lynn, are you okay? You look a little flushed." Carolyn stood up to put her hand on her forehead. "Are you all right?" Oh that's just great.

"No, no I'm fine! Do you have something to drink though? I'm a little thirsty." Lynn dared not glance at Mike. Mike, on the other hand, stared right at her, trying not to laugh. He caught Carolyn watching him and straightened out.

"Yeah, what's Bobby got to drink around here?" Mike stood and went into the kitchen.

"Lynn, I'll be right back. He likes to get at Bobby's good beer." She ran into the kitchen after him, leaving Lynn all alone in the living room. She looked around at all the pictures. It was evident how much Bobby missed Alex. She settled back into the couch.

"Mike Logan. She's too young for you." Carolyn stood in front of him, arms crossed.

"I know." Mike tried to get around her, but she blocked him.

"What's going on there then?"

"Carolyn, absolutely nothing, I promise." Mike held up his hands in surrender. "Now, can I get our guest a beer?" Carolyn looked at him suspiciously.

"Fine." She grabbed a beer for herself and Bobby. Mike gestured to her.

"After you." He smiled at her. What was her problem? It's not like he was completely incapable of keeping it in his pants. Stupid move in 3,2,1…"Hey, what's going on between you and Bobby?"

_**One Hour Later…**_

"Mike? Another beer?" Bobby grinned at Mike, who was holding an icepack to his eye. He pulled it back, and Lynn cringed. She had no idea what was going on, just that Carolyn hauled off and punched Mike in the eye. She heard the yelp and ran into the kitchen to find Mike lying on the floor, Carolyn breathing hard and fast glaring down at him. Bobby had run in right after her and looked around.

"Did we all funnel beers while I was putting her to bed or something? What'd I miss?" Carolyn pushed her way past Bobby and went into the bathroom. Lynn followed her in but she wouldn't say anything. She just cried. Lynn rubbed her back until she calmed down enough. They came back out and Mike pulled her into a hug, telling her he was sorry. They all piled into the bathroom again to look at his eye, which was starting to bruise and was swollen shut. All Bobby had in the way of an ice pack was a teething ring of Nan's. He put it in a baggie and handed it to Mike.

"I have teeth. I'm good."

"Put it on your eye, idiot." Carolyn rolled her eyes at him. "I'm sorry I hit you, but you need to keep your mouth shut sometimes." She took a swig of her beer and handed Mike one as well.

"A teething ring and a beer. I'm doing good tonight." Mike smiled.

And so there they were, Mike with his swollen eye, Carolyn was subdued and Bobby was grinning to himself. Lynn was just plain confused.

"I'll get him one. I need a refill myself." Lynn went into the kitchen, berating herself for thinking Mike still looked good with a black eye.

_**The Long Drive Home…**_

"We can go back to my place." Mike was arguing with Lynn. They were sitting in the taxi they had hailed outside of Bobby's apartment. She gave her address to the cabbie and they were on their way.

"Tough." Lynn was pleasantly buzzed; Mike was just drunk. To his credit, he kept himself in check. She had let her bun loose and her hair was cascading over her shoulders, the streetlights passing by casting her in an orangey light that made her look, well, hot. Mike groaned and looked out the window for the rest of the ride. They arrived at her place; she paid the cabbie and let them in.

"I'll grab you a blanket for the couch." Lynn moved to her linen closet, grabbing said blanket and coming back into the living room. Mike was standing in the middle of the room, observing. "How's your eye?"

He turned to her. "Still hurts."

"Let me see." She pushed him down on the couch, turning the lamp on beside them. She bent down and looked at his eye closely. "That is going to look really nice tomorrow. What'd you say that she hit you like that for?"

Mike wasn't concentrating. Well, he was. He was just concentrating on not pulling her face down to his. He shook his head. "Uh, I asked her what was going on with her and Bobby." Lynn looked at him, surprised.

"After the speech you gave me back at work? You are an ass." She fingered his eyebrow carefully. He flinched. "Sorry. Do you want more ice?"

She was so close. Mike shook his head, trying to turn away from her before he did something stupid. She grabbed his chin, making him look at her. "You're drunk." It was a statement.

"Yeah, you're not helping." Mike took her hand off his chin.

"Not helping what?" She knew what was going on. She sat next to him on the couch.

"Uh, matters." Mike closed his good eye as she put her chin on his shoulder, whispering in his ear.

"Describe these matters to me." She kissed the side of his neck lightly. Maybe she was more than just buzzed.

"Can't." Mike turned his head slightly towards her.

"Fine." Lynn grabbed his chin again, pulling him closer to her. She kissed him lightly on the mouth. Mike reciprocated the action. She got up and led him back to her room.

_**Bobby's Apartment…**_

Carolyn walked along the side of the beach, trying to catch up to Alex. "Alex, wait!" Alex turned around and waited for her to catch up. Carolyn arrived, out of breath.

"I wasn't even walking that fast. You have to keep up, girl." Alex turned away from her again and started walking. Carolyn kept up this time. Alex looked over at her. "You know I have to go soon, right?"

Carolyn looked at her friend. "Don't go, Alex. Please don't."

Alex shook her head, a small sad smile on her face. "We go through this every time. I have to leave. You're doing a good job. Thank you." Alex squeezed her friend's hand and then walked out into the water. Carolyn kept walking. Then she woke up.

She was crying, but there was no panic. She waited, breathing in and out deeply. The paralysis wasn't there either. She turned over on the couch. Something was different. She sat straight up, realizing what had happened. Or rather, what hadn't happened. No gunshot. She smiled. Well that had to mean something. She settled back to sleep.

_A/N – Hope y'all enjoyed that._


	7. Chapter 7

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: These are the property of Dick Wolf. Not me. It's all here, black and white, clear as crystal. That line is from "Willy Wonka". I'm covering my broke ass._

_A/N- Language, and some making out. _

Lynn and Bobby sat at their desks the next day, going over their notes on case they had just started. Lynn seemed distracted, in Bobby's mind. She usually wasn't like this. Maybe she did have too much to drink last night, Bobby thought. "Hey, um, are you okay?" Bobby tilted his head to the left, trying to make eye contact with her. Nothing. Hmm…Bobby threw his pen at her. Got her.

"Goren, all you had to do was say 'Bishop' and I would've looked up." Lynn looked back down at her paperwork. "You know, this pro? Her fingerprints are on file because she had taken the police exam." She looked back up.

"Yes, I knew that. Are you okay?" Her hair was messed up. No, not messed up – it was down. She had curled it and it flowed over her shoulders. Quite like Carolyn wore hers, yet on Lynn it looked…like she had rolled out of bed. Lynn just looked at him.

"I'm fine." She shook her head and jotted something down on her notepad. Mike walked in and walked over to Bobby and Lynn.

"Hey kid, Bobby. What's going on?" Mike leaned against the desks. Lynn avoided eye contact with him, blushing furiously. Bobby looked at her and then at Mike. He narrowed his eyes at him.

"Nothing, Logan. Want to get a cup of coffee?" Bobby looked at him pointedly. Mike caught his drift.

"Ah, sure. Hey kid, want something?" There was no denying it – he winked at her.

"Black, please." She smiled at him sweetly before going back to her notes. Thank you for not blushing again, Lynn thought to herself. Bobby led the way towards the break room. Mike reached for a cup.

Bobby spoke. "You slept with her." Mike raised his eyebrow at him.

"Yes, I did. What business is it of yours?" He put a lid on the black cup of coffee and proceeded to get himself a cup.

"She's too young for you." Bobby grabbed a cup off the stack as well.

"And I'm too old for her. I know. Look Goren," Mike turned to him annoyed, "she's a big girl. She knows what she's doing. I'm not going to hurt her." He picked up the cups and walked away leaving Bobby, for once, bewildered. He watched Mike as he handed Lynn her cup. He asked her something and she nodded her head. They both laughed and Mike went back to Carolyn. Bobby walked back to his desk. The bullpen was quiet for a while. There was a commotion at the elevators and an older woman stalked her way over to the middle of the bullpen, another officer trying to restrain her.

"I want to know – who the hell is Robert Goren! Where is he!" She looked around the bullpen, seething. Lynn looked at Bobby as he stood up.

"I'm Robert Goren, ma'am. How can I help you?" Bobby walked over to the woman.

"You're little bitch of a girlfriend killed my son! He was only nineteen! She killed him! My only son! Fucker!" The woman spit in his face and tried to push him. Bobby just looked at her, the pain apparent in his eyes. Deakins came out of his office just as the officer finally restrained the woman, putting her under arrest for the assault of a police officer. Bobby stopped the officer in the middle of reading the boy's mother her rights.

"Let her go." The officer looked at him questioningly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, just let her go." Bobby pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his face off.

"I don't need your damn pity, Robert Goren."

Bobby started to walk back to his desk when he stopped and turned around. Deakins could see the look in his eyes. Carolyn saw it too. She held her breath. Mike got up to stand by him…just in case.

"Listen, ma'am. I understand your son is dead. But are you aware that your son, your drug-peddling son decided that it was best that he shoot the officer coming into his apartment? Instead of facing up to the things he did, he shot and killed that officer?" Bobby paused, a creepy smile pulling across his face. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket, pulling something out. Carolyn saw what it was and covered her mouth, a tear trickling down her face. "I want you to look at these pictures here. This is my fiancée, well that is to say this was my fiancée – your son killed her." He held up another picture to the woman's face. "This is my daughter. Your son killed her mother. She was only ten months old. She will never know her mother. You got nineteen years. Alex got ten months." Bobby took another breath and whirled around to point at Carolyn. "See this woman? This is Detective Barek. She was Alex's partner and best friend. Your son took that from her. I am really sorry about your son. I honestly am. I wouldn't be human if I didn't feel bad. But he took that wonderful woman from all of us. You need to respect that. Excuse me." Bobby headed for the elevators. Deakins looked at Carolyn and motioned for her to follow Bobby. The officer led the woman, who had the decency to look humbled, out of the department.

_**Meanwhile…**_

Carolyn ran out of the building, looking for Bobby's car. He left. Great. She held in her tears until she got into the cab. She gave Bobby's address to the cabbie and let everything out. The cabbie kept shooting her distressed looks, wondering if she was unbalanced or something. They arrived at the apartment. Carolyn paid the guy, over-tipping him in the process. She got off the elevator and pulled out Bobby's key, letting herself in. She looked around his apartment, reaching his bedroom last. He wasn't here. Carolyn sunk down on the bed, pulling out her cell phone. Straight to voicemail. That's just great, Carolyn thought. She laid down on the bed, feeling the tears start again. The ring box was still sitting on his nightstand, next to a picture of Alex. In this one, she was walking away from whomever had taken the picture and looking over her shoulder, smiling. The light shone through her hair, making it look like she had a halo. How fitting, Carolyn thought bitterly. She cried herself to sleep.

_**At The Same Time That Was Happening, This Occurred…**_

Bobby parked his car on the cemetery road. He jumped out of the car, tears welling in his eyes, but he dared not let them fall. He reached Alex's grave. Loving Daughter, Wife and Mother, her tombstone read. Bobby traced the word wife with his fingers. "Almost," he whispered to himself. The tears he willed not to fall didn't come now. He sat on her grave, silent. He ignored the beeping from his phone, letting him know he had, at best, seven million messages. He sat in the chilly April air for a while. It was dusk when he stood to leave. "I love you, Alex." Bobby turned and walked back to his car.

_**Later That Night, Part One…**_

Mike unlocked his door, letting Lynn in first. He had his phone to his ear. Nobody had heard from Bobby or Carolyn. Deakins finally sent Lynn and Mike home to check up on them. Lynn pulled on Mike's sleeve. He hung up the phone.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Lynn grimaced at him. Mike gave her a grin.

"Down the hall, first door on the left." He watched her walk away. Mike tried calling Bobby's apartment again. No answer. Carolyn's apartment and cell phone also yielded no answer. This is just fucking great, Mike thought to himself. Lynn emerged from his bathroom. She had put her hair up in a loose ponytail. This is not the time, Logan, Mike thought. God, she looked good. She was looking at him.

"Did you try all the numbers again?" She sat down at his kitchen table. His eye was still swollen a little. She felt her stomach lurch at the worried look on his face.

"I think we should go out –" Mike stopped mid-sentence. His phone rang to life. "Logan? Bobby, are you okay?" Mike listened, nodding as he did so. "Is Carolyn with you? All right. Call if you need anything else." He pulled the phone away from his ear. "He hung up on me." Mike put his phone down on the table and sat next to Lynn.

"Well, at least he called. They're okay?" Lynn poked his hand.

"Yeah, she's with him. Are you hungry?" Lynn nodded in response. Mike picked up the menus from his napkin holder.

"That's for napkins." Lynn smiled at him.

"I forget to by them, and this is handy. I'm sorry this isn't the actual date you were expecting. I do treat ladies nicer than this, I swear." He shook his head. "What a damn day this has been."

"It's okay. They're okay and you're going to order Chinese. I'm surprisingly easy to please."

Mike laughed. There was much that surprised him about her. She wasn't the arrogant woman people thought she was. She was very confidant, eager to work and wasn't afraid to go after what she wanted. She proved that last night. But right now she was falling asleep at his kitchen table. He stood up and scooped her up in his arms.

"What, may I ask, are you doing?" Her head flailed backwards and she kicked to be let down.

"Don't fight it. You're going to take a nap and I'll order the food. The food will come, I'll pay because this is a date if you want to get technical, and I'll wake you up when it gets here. You are not allowed to sleep at my kitchen table." He kicked his bedroom door open and plopped her on the bed. "Sweet dreams, kid." He turned to walk back out to the kitchen when he heard her small voice talking to him.

"Stay." She was soft, yet adamant. Well how can I argue, Mike thought. He slipped in beside her, kicking his shoes off.

"What's up?" He put his arm around her small waist.

"He's still really hurting, isn't he?" Mike could feel her turn her head towards him in the dark.

"Yes." She nodded. Mike forgot about ordering the food as he was comforted by the sound of her breathing. We're all still hurting, he thought as he drifted to sleep.

_**Later That Night, Part Two…**_

Bobby put his cell phone away and stood in his kitchen for a second. Carolyn was here; her shoes were here. He walked into the living room – no sign of her. He shrugged his coat off and stuck it on one of the kitchen chairs in passing. He opened his bedroom door. There she was. Carolyn was lying on his side of the bed, one leg hanging off of it and her coat was still on. He walked over to his side and gently shook her. Her eyes fluttered open; they were bloodshot. His heart lurched for her. He could feel the tears he banned coming back again. "Carolyn, let me take your coat off." She nodded and sat up, leaning her head on his shoulder. He could feel her tears seeping through his dress shirt. He sighed heavily and removed her coat. "Sorry to have made an example of you earlier." She nodded into his shoulder, her breath catching each time she inhaled. He sat there for a minute, wondering what he should do. She wanted what he wanted. Comfort. They were both fucked. He put his arms around her and rested his head on top of hers. Her tears kept coming, enough for both of them. His eyes went to Alex's picture. The tears came then. Carolyn brought her hands up to her face, burying her head in his chest. She tried to say something, but he couldn't hear her. He pulled back.

"Where…where did you go?" She looked up at him, her tear stained face full of pain.

"To the cemetery." She nodded, as if he said to the mall or to the grocery store. She leaned against him again, her tears slowing down. He held her closer, his tears coming faster now, like he had to make up for Carolyn slowing down. She moved her arms around him, clutching the back of his shirt. She looked up at him.

"If it were me, I'd have slapped her. I don't know how you handled that, Bobby, really." She shook her head and swallowed hard. "Everything was going better. She had no right doing that to you." He shut his eyes tight as she brushed the tears off his cheeks. He stood up suddenly, walking to the window. Carolyn laid down on the bed, her head pounding furiously from all the crying. It felt like a second full-time job. She started drifting off to sleep again, Bobby still staring out the window. She heard him click the lamp off and climb in bed next to her. She turned to face him.

"Carolyn?" He pulled her to him.

"Yeah?" Her face was in front of his. She reached out a hand and brushed his cheek, which made her start crying again.

"When's it going to be all right?"

She shuddered. "Bobby, I don't know." He reached over and brushed her cheek, then leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back. They stayed like that for a while. Then they just clung to each other.

A/N: Next chapter's going to get a teensy bit risqué…just a warning. Note to The Confused One – I took our conversation into consideration…I'm getting my cake and eating it too. Boohoo650 – don't panic. :) This chapter was written while listening to Broken Social Scene's "Anthems For A 17 Year Old Girl" on a loop. Read this and listen to that song and you'll get what I mean. Thanks for the reviews.


	8. Chapter 8

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: See previous_

The storm started late that night. Carolyn woke up to the rain pounding on the windows. She was still in her clothes. She sat up, realizing she was alone and that she also hadn't had a dream. Well, after the day they'd all had she was grateful for that. The thunder boomed overhead, making the windows rattle. Her breath caught in her throat, scaring her. It'd been ages since thunder scared her. The door to the bedroom opened, scaring her again. Bobby. He walked in wearing a robe and some sweat pants. He took off his robe and got back in next to her.

"Are you all right?" Bobby murmured.

"It just scared me. I didn't know it was supposed to storm tonight."

"Neither did I." She slid back down under the covers. Bobby put his arm around her. "Do you want some pajamas? I have sweats and stuff."

"That would be good." They both got out of bed. Bobby moved to his dresser and pulled out another pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He turned away while she changed into them. Wordlessly, they crawled back into bed, holding each other as the storm raged outside.

"Carolyn?" Bobby said after a while.

"Bobby?" Carolyn whispered back.

"You're still awake." He moved his hand up into her hair. She found his lips again.

"Why are we doing this?" Carolyn asked as she moved in for another kiss.

"You know why." He held her face in both of his hands. She started to cry again; she did know why. It wasn't right. It was the furthest thing from it. But it felt good. It felt good to be held, felt good to be needed. It felt good just to give a tiny bit of comfort to some body. She rolled on top of him and opened her eyes to look into his. He looked absolutely miserable. She told him as much. "So do you." The lightning illuminated them for a minute.

"I miss her Bobby." He put his arms around her.

"I do too," he replied hoarsely. They kissed and listened to the storm before Carolyn nodded off. He gently rolled her back off of him and held her. He cried to himself silently.

_**Mike's Apartment…**_

Mike sat awake, listening to the storm die down and Lynn's breathing beside him. He tried counting how long in between the lightning and the thunder, but it wasn't working. He kept thinking of Lynn. She was different. He didn't know why, he just knew. But he wasn't going to say anything just yet. Play it cool. Mike nodded to himself in bed.

"At whom are you nodding?" Lynn propped herself up to look at him. Mike looked at her suddenly, a grin on his face.

"At whom am I nodding? Who says that?"

"Well, clearly I do. It's grammatically correct." Lynn poked him in the side.

"You just woke up. And don't poke me or you're going to get it." Lynn poked him. "That's it!" Mike flipped her over and started tickling her.

"Mike, stop!" She was laughing and slapping at his back. "Mike-" There was a loud pounding at the door. They both stopped and sat up straight. It came again. "That's not thunder. Who the hell is that?"

"I don't know. You stay here." Mike grabbed his piece off his dresser and walked out into the kitchen. Lynn rolled her eyes at him and followed him out. Her piece was in the kitchen. She grabbed it and held it at the door. Mike shook his head at her. "Who is it?" Mike called out to whomever it was pounding on his door at five in the morning.

"It's Jimmy." Lynn and Mike stared at each other in shock. "I know Bishop's in there, just let me in." He sounded more tired than angry. Mike opened the door. Their captain stood before them, soaked and exhausted.

"Jimmy, did you walk here? What the hell happened?" Mike brought him into the living room. In the light, Mike could see a cut on Jimmy's temple.

"Well, I went out with a few buddies of mine. Well, I thought they were buddies of mine. We knocked a few back, and then some one said something about female detectives. And I said what about them." Lynn brought Jimmy a cup of coffee and a blanket from Mike's bed. He regarded her for a moment then thanked her. He looked back at Mike. "I don't know what's going on here, but you keep it quieter than quiet, silent as a tomb. And I never saw this." Lynn blushed; Mike smirked.

"Gotcha. So what happened?"

"Well, Ted says that female detectives are unreliable. And I said wait a minute, that's not true. I have quiet a few female detectives and three of them are among my best detectives over-all. So," Jimmy laughed evilly, "Neil says, don't you mean two of them? And I said no three of them. Ted reminds me that no, I'm actually down to two because Alex got killed and that's what she gets for being a female in a male job." Jimmy took a sip of his coffee. Mike and Lynn looked at him, eyes bugged out, mouths hanging open. "I told him, if her father ever heard him say that he'd have his ass. He just laughed. I hauled off and hit him. Right in the eye." Jimmy took another sip of his coffee. "Speaking of eyes, you never did tell me what happened to yours, Logan."

Mike absent-mindedly fingered his eyebrow. "Carolyn hauled off and hit me."

Jimmy grinned. "You insinuated something was going on between her and Bobby?"

Lynn snorted. "That's exactly what happened. After he gave me a whole to-do about not saying anything."

Jimmy laughed. "Well I'm going to get going. Angie's not going to be to thrilled with me." Lynn took his coffee cup from him and he stood to fold up the blanket.

Mike took it out of his hands. "I've got that. Just get home safe." He shook Jimmy's hand.

"I never saw this." He nodded in Lynn's direction. "Goodnight, Lynn," he called out to her. And with that, Jimmy Deakins stepped back out into the early morning.

_**Saturday Morning…**_

Carolyn awoke to the smell of pancakes wafting in through Bobby's open bedroom door. She got out of bed and followed her nose. Her stomach was growling. Bobby was standing at the stove, flipping pancakes. He turned to her. "Good morning." He went back to his task.

"Need any help?" She sat down at the table as he put a plate in front of her. Blueberry pancakes no less. She smiled and poured some syrup over them. "I guess not, huh?"

Bobby sat down with his own plate. "I guess not." He couldn't look her in the eye. Oh great. This was going to be awkward, Carolyn thought. "Do you want some coffee?" He stood up to get her a cup before she could respond.

"Bobby, last night-" He placed her cup down in front of her, interrupting her.

"We, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." He sat back down.

"It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault. It just happened." She looked at him closely.

"Well, it won't happen again. I'm sorry." He still couldn't look at her.

"I understand that, but it's going to be hard to stay friends if you can't look me in the eye." She poked him with her fork. "Look at me Bobby." He looked up. He looked like he was going to cry again. "What happened happened. We can't change that. I love you. You're my friend. You were my best friend's fiancé. You have that wonderful baby girl and I love her like she was my own. I don't want to lose either of you just because we got too needy to think straight." Carolyn felt the tears trickle down her face.

Bobby reached over to hug her. "I couldn't lose you either." Man of little words he is, Carolyn thought as she hugged him back. "You've been such a help and such a good friend. And Nan adores you. I couldn't stand it if she didn't have you." He smiled at her. "I really am sorry."

"I'm sorry too. Now, your pancakes are getting cold." Carolyn brushed her tears away and smiled at him.

_**Mike's Apartment. Yes, Again…**_

Mike woke up on the couch. How did I get here? Mike saw a note on his coffee table. He picked it up and read it.

_Mike,_

_I had to stop home. There's coffee. Call me later if you want._

_Later,_

_Lynn._

Mike looked closer at the letter. Originally she had written love, Lynn. She wrote over it to make it look like later, Lynn. He smiled at the letter. If that hadn't freaked him out, he was gone. He leaned over to get his phone to call her.

_**Lynn's Apartment…**_

She put the TV on mute as her answering machine clicked on. Mike. She turned the volume back up, returning her attention to her "Arrested Development" marathon she had going. She nestled back into her couch with her guilty pleasures, a chocolate milkshake and Cheetos. How could she have been so careless as to write love? Love! I'm an idiot, she thought as Gob accidentally drugged himself with chloroform. He was a sweet guy, but did she really love him? She cared for him. Lynn's thoughts ran rampant in her head. This was ridiculous. She sucked the remains of her milkshake and got up to throw out the cup. Screw this, she thought. I'm going for a run. She changed into a pair of yoga pants and ran out. She ran, not thinking anything as she passed people walking their dogs, carting around shopping bags and tending to their children in their strollers. She ran and ran and then ran smack into something solid. Everything went black.

_**Carolyn's Apartment…**_

Carolyn had stopped at home to take a shower and change clothes. She had just stepped out of the shower when her cell phone rang. "Barek? Yes, I know her. I'll be right there." Carolyn got dressed quick and ran into her living room where Bobby sat reading one of her magazines. "Hey, we have to go to the hospital. Something happened to Lynn."

_A/N- Well I think that worked out rather well. And does anybody else think it's an absolute crime that "Arrested Development" isn't on the air anymore? Well, R&R and enjoy. :)_


	9. Chapter 9

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: Dick's, not mine!_

Carolyn and Bobby were at the hospital first, followed by Deakins. Deakins looked like he was going to keel over.

"Does anyone know what happened to her? I got a call from the three one saying we had an officer down." Carolyn looked at Bobby, who had turned pale at the mention of the precinct. "Sorry Bobby. But it was the same thought I had. Has anyone talked to a nurse?"

Carolyn shook her head in response, and then gasped in shock. "Did anyone call Mike?" She pulled her phone out to call her partner. "Mike? Get to St. Claire's. Something happened to Lynn. We don't know anything yet, just get here." She hung the phone up on him. She walked over to the nurses' station.

"Yes?" The nurse heard someone approach, but didn't bother to look up.

This annoyed Carolyn. "We need some information on one of our officers. She was brought in here a little while ago, but we don't know anything. We don't even know why she's here."

The nurse looked over at a chart. "G. Lynn Bishop? She was hit by a car. She's with the doctor." The nurse knew what would come next and decided to cut her off at the pass. "Family only when the time comes."

Carolyn blinked several times at the rudeness of the nurse, but was in too much shock to say anything nasty back. She numbly walked back to Bobby and Deakins. "She was hit by a car. She's with the doctor. Family only." She collapsed in a chair and cradled her head in her hands. There they sat, with no word on Lynn for a while.

Mike walked in to the emergency room, dazed by Carolyn's call. He just saw her, how could something have happened to her? He approached his friends warily. "What's wrong?"

"She's with the doctor. Apparently, she was hit by a car. Only family is allowed in." Bobby glared over at the nurses' station.

Oh, this will never do, Mike thought. He glanced at Deakins. "Jimmy, let me see your ring for a minute."

Deakins frowned at him. "Why do you need my ring?"

"You'll see. Give it to me." Jimmy handed it over to him. Bobby caught Mike's eye and gave him the thumbs up.

Mike put on Jimmy's ring and charged over to the nurses' station. "Excuse me? I need to know what's going on with my wife. She was brought in here a little while ago." Mike slapped the hand with the ring on it on the counter, hard enough to make the nurse look up.

"Name?"

"G. Lynn Bishop."

"The doctor brought her into recovery a minute or two ago. He'll speak to you when he's done, and then you can see her." The nurse attempted a smile and then went back to her work.

"Thank you." Mike walked away, triumph and worry competing with each other. The others stood as he approached. "She's in recovery." There was a collective sigh. And, speak of the devil, a doctor approached them.

"Can I see Mr. Bishop?" Carolyn and Deakins looked at each other. Mike stepped forward and walked away with the doctor. "Okay, she's got a broken leg, a broken arm and bruised ribs. She's not awake yet and she'll be in pain, lots of pain."

"What exactly happened though?

"One of the witnesses said she was running and a car ran up on the curb and hit her. The driver was drunk. Why you would be drunk that early, I don't know. He was taken in by the precinct over there." The doctor patted his arm. "Your wife will be fine with lots of rest and time to heal." The doctor smiled and walked away, off to tend to other patients. Mike stood frozen in his spot. He snapped out of it and walked back over to the others and explained what happened.

"The son of a bitch. I'll kill him. I'll just kill him. Who is he?" Carolyn went spastic. "I'm sick of people killing my friends!" She stomped off towards the restrooms. Bobby sank down in his chair.

"Jesus." He rubbed his face hard.

Mike looked after Carolyn, confused, then turned to Bobby and Deakins. "She did hear the part where I said she was okay, right?" He took Deakins' ring off and handed it back to him. "Thanks, sir. Do we know if Bishop has any family? She'll need someone to take care of her."

Deakins shook his head. "She does, but they live in Hawaii. I don't know about the rest of the Bishop crew, but I hope they have stock in sunscreen." He looked down at Bobby and nudged him. "You all right" Bobby nodded and lifted his head.

"Mike, you'll have to take care of her." His somber face changed to a wicked smile.

"Deakins knows, Bobby. Cut the crap," Mike replied to Bobby without taking his eyes off of Deakins. "I'll take care of her. She can stay at my place. And I know what you're thinking…and you're right. But seriously, let me help her."

Once again, Deakins was surprised. "That's fine. But you'll have to okay it with her." Deakins faked an innocent look. "And what do I know?" He chuckled. "If it's all right with you guys, I'm going to head home. Angie's pissed at me for last night. Tell Bishop I'll call her later."

The guys wished Deakins well as he left. They sat silently together, both their long legs stuck out and crossed in front of them. They had matching exhausted expressions and their arms were crossed, warding away anyone who might want to chat.

Carolyn came out of the bathroom and looked at the pair. Tall, dark, handsome and scowly. How cute. She settled in next to Bobby. He broke his reverie and turned to her.

"What's going on?" He whispered to her.

"I'm so sorry. I just freaked out. I didn't mean to upset you." She squeezed his arm once, just to drive the point home. "Hey Mr. Bishop," she directed at Mike, "did you see your wife yet?"

Mike tried stretching his leg over Bobby's to kick her. Bobby blocked him. "No, I haven't seen my wife yet. She's going to be staying with me until she gets better. Her family lives in Hawaii."

Carolyn caught Bobby's smirk and put it together. "You slept with her, didn't you?"

Mike decided another black eye wouldn't be that bad. "Of course I did, she's my wife. But what's your excuse?"

Bobby physically restrained Carolyn. "No hitting," he said to her. "Things happen. You two were drunk, we were needy and that's the last time I say anything on the subject." He glared at Mike for a moment, the doctor interrupting him.

"Mr. Bishop, you can see her now. Follow me." Mike got up and followed the doctor, talking as they walked. "The two officers out there, my wife and I work with them and we're all close. Do you think they could come see her?"

The doctor nodded. "It's up to you. You're family, you decide." They reached Lynn's room. "She's conscious and everything. She just hasn't woken up yet; she might while you talk to her. I'll leave you alone." The doctor walked away. The only light was coming through the partially closed blinds covering the window. Mike took a seat beside her, holding her good hand.

"Lynn, I'm going to take care of you." He suddenly got choked up. He put his head down on the bed next to her hand.

_**In Lynn's Head…**_

A song kept going through her head, she couldn't hear the words, but the tune teased her memory. On top of the song she could hear some one speaking, but the words were garbled and she couldn't make them out either. It was like hearing a conversation underwater. She opened her eyes a little. It was dark, but there was some one next to her. The song floated back in, humming in her head. She couldn't move her legs. She had been running, why was she laying down? Why couldn't she move? She tried to sit up, gasping at the pain. Well, now I'm awake. The song disappeared, but the spoken word tour next to her didn't stop, coming in clearer. Take care of me? Why? Who has to take care of me? The pain in her midsection came back as she turned. The speaker looked up at her. Mike. Where the hell was she that Mike was sitting next to her crying? Mike was crying. She couldn't move her leg. The panic set in, and she couldn't breathe.

"Lynn, breathe. Stop moving and breathe in. Slow…that's my girl." Mike was brushing her forehead softly. Her eyes darted around, trying to make out objects in wherever she was. She looked down at her hand. An IV? What the –

"Fuck!" She squeezed her eyes shut as another shot of pain went through her. "Ow…god." She forced her eyes open. "I'm going to be sick." Mike stared at her for a second and grabbed an ice pail for her. When she was done he wiped her mouth with some paper towels from the bathroom. "Mike, where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. You were hit by a drunk driver. He ran up on the curb. You were out running?" He looked at her, the worry in his eyes sending panic back into her.

"Why can't I move? I can't move!" Her breathing became shallow again.

"Stop. Breathe in nice and easy. Close your eyes – "

"I can't I'll get sick again." She breathed in, focusing on his eyes. She calmed down again. "Why can't I move?"

"You have a broken arm, a broken leg and your ribs are bruised so take it easy. You're not paralyzed or anything. Do you want me to call your family?"

"No. They'll just…never mind. Why do you have to take care of me? I heard you, you said you'd take care of me." Lynn frowned, looking into his eyes.

Mike touched her cheek softly. "You've got one broken leg and one broken arm. You're gonna need some help getting around, kiddo."

Lynn pondered this for a moment and nodded. They sat in silence a little longer. "I wrote love, not later."

Mike looked at her and then remembered. That felt like ages ago. "I know; I saw it." He reached for her good hand again. "Is that why you wouldn't answer the phone?"

"Yeah. That's why I went out for the run. I had to think." She bit her lip, grimacing at the pain.

"Take it easy. It's okay."

"No, I shouldn't have left myself out there like that. I –"

"You didn't mean it? Ah, I'm hurt." Mike squeezed her hand, teasing her.

"I did. That's the thing. I don't put myself out there like that. That's the reason I got broken up with in the past. That and because I'm a cop. My parents…they hate the fact that I'm a cop. They're waiting for the phone call so they can look to the heavens and say 'we told you so'." She breathed deep, breathing through the pain. "You don't have to take care of me. I'll be fine. I've got friends I could call." She looked away from him.

"Just shut up and let me in, Lynn. Okay? Just…just let me." To Mike's surprise, the lump in his throat came back with a vengeance. Lynn heard it.

"Okay." She didn't turn, but squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

_**Bobby's Apartment – Later That Night…**_

Carolyn collapsed on the couch, Mike collapsed into Bobby's armchair. "You've left me with no where to collapse." Bobby dragged a footstool in between them so he could talk. "I've got to call Gillian. Let her know I can't come tomorrow."

Mike frowned. "Why not?"

"Because you're going to need help getting Lynn up to your hole. Or is she letting you mess up her place?" Bobby rubbed his face. God, he was exhausted. He looked over at Carolyn. Passed out, her leg hanging off of the couch. She always slept like that. He rolled his eyes.

"We're going to my place. Don't disappoint Gillian. You're making dinner. Nan's coming back tomorrow night with you right?"

"Yes."

"You've got enough to worry about. I've got Lynn." Mike looked at the clock on Bobby's VCR, his eyes immediately drawn up to Alex's smiling face. He sighed. "I'm going to get going. I've got to clean up some things. Tell Captain Sunshine there I said goodnight." He walked to the door.

"Goodnight." Bobby heard the door shut. He got up to lock it. He went into his room, pulling an extra comforter out of his closet for Carolyn, not that it mattered. He'd learned now that Carolyn's MO was to kick one leg off of whatever she slept on, steal the blankets and then kick them away so no one could be happy. He tucked the blanket around her tight. He always turned the heat down when Nan wasn't there to save some money. He turned it up on Sundays before he left for the Eames'. Summer was coming, thank God. He sat in his armchair for a minute, watching Carolyn tussle with the blanket. And as predicted, it landed on the floor. New record. He checked the clock – almost midnight. He picked up one of Alex's pictures. It was from before they were together, one he had taken at work, teasing her. Deakins was in the background, face squeezed shut laughing, but if you hadn't been there you would've thought he was crying. He focused on Alex's face, her face angry but her eyes smiling. He tried to think why he would've taken a picture of her like that, but he couldn't remember. And that bugged him, for Bobby Goren did not forget. It was before Carolyn's time; he couldn't ask her. Maybe I'll ask Deakins on Monday, Bobby idly thought. Ten after twelve in the morning. He was making lasagna for Sunday dinner. Might as well get a head start, Bobby thought, heading for the kitchen.

Nan was falling off the bed. It was in slow motion, as was Carolyn's running. She couldn't reach her no matter how hard tried to make her legs work. The baby just kept falling and falling and it seemed to take an eternity for her to hit the floor. And hit the floor she did. She laid there, unmoving. Carolyn held her breath, trying to move faster but now she couldn't move at all. There was an inhale and then the wail. It pierced Carolyn's eardrums and she wailed right along with Nan, falling to her knees trying to get to the baby. Carolyn screamed out and her eyes flew open. She was on the floor of Bobby's living room. She heard footsteps running towards her.

"Carolyn? Are you all right? I heard you scream." Bobby knelt down next to her on the floor, putting an arm around her while she cried.

"I couldn't get her Bobby. I couldn't stop her from falling." She pulled away from, pulling the blanket around her.

"Another Alex dream?"

"No, a Nan dream. My legs, I couldn't get to her. I couldn't move." She sniffed, wiping her tears away, calming down a little. "I must have fallen off the couch." She looked around her.

"Come on, you're sleeping in my bed." She shot him a look. "_I_ will sleep on the couch."

"Bobby, this is your place, I'll sleep on the couch. I usually only have one dream – "

"And that's because you don't go back to sleep after you have one. Now, take my bed. I will sleep out here." Carolyn glowered at him. "Fine, we'll do it the hard way." Bobby stood and scooped her up, taking her to his bed. He threw her down and looked at her. She pushed herself up and looked at him.

"Are we ever going to be happy Bobby?" She had a look of defeat on her face.

"Maybe." He didn't want to think about it. He pulled out the sweats she wore the previous night and handed them to her. "Sleeping in jeans hurts –change."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I did. I said maybe. But only if you get some sleep – in the bed. Goodnight." He smiled at her and shut the door. Carolyn changed into the pajamas he gave her and settled into the bed. She stared at the cracks in the ceiling, willing herself to fall back asleep.

**

* * *

**

_**Mike's Apartment, The Next Day... **_

Mike dropped Lynn's bags onto his living room floor and ran back downstairs to retrieve her from his front stoop. "Sorry, kid. Let's get you up there." He helped her up carefully to avoid her ribs. They made their way slowly up the stairs, all four flights.

"If we stayed at my place, there'd be this elevator. The elevator, it does this crazy thing! It takes people up and down in buildings. It's the neatest thing." Lynn smirked at him once he settled her in on the couch.

"Listen, smart ass. I've got to fill your prescription. Back talk equals no Darvocet." He handed her the chocolate milkshake she'd requested on the way back from the hospital along with a sample pill the doctor sent her home with. "I'll get you some pillows and you can enjoy whatever Sunday morning programming you can find that doesn't suck." He smiled at her as she rolled her eyes.

"Thank you, Mike." She tossed the pill in her mouth, chasing it with the milkshake. She watched him bustle around her, piling pillows up around her arm and leg so she'd be comfortable. "So, where are you going to sit?"

Mike stopped and looked around. "I'll figure something out. I have to go get your prescription. I'll be back." He tentatively placed a kiss on her forehead and left.

Lynn sat. She couldn't do anything else. She put her milkshake down on the table beside her. She grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels, settling on yet another guilty pleasure, "My Super Sweet Sixteen". Sure, they were brats but it beat golf any day. She barely made it through the episode before the pill took its effect, knocking her out.

She awoke to Mike smiling at her curiously. "What's 'you're like my twin, you're always feeling what I'm feeling'? You've got a nice voice, I'll give you that."

Lynn thought it sounded familiar too. "I was singing that?"

Mike nodded and sang it back to her. "You sound better though."

She smiled. "That's the song! It was going through my head before I woke up." She paused. "That's weird."

Mike cleared his throat and handed her the pharmacy bag. "Controlled substances – enjoy. I'm going to make lunch, what do you want?"

"Turkey sandwich? Or whatever you have laying around that's edible. I'm not picky." Mike nodded and walked towards the kitchen. "Thank you," she whispered to herself. A few minutes later he emerged, a turkey sandwich and some carrots on a plate for her.

"Enjoy madam."

"What's with the carrots?" She popped one into her mouth.

"What's with the milkshakes?" She threw a carrot at him. "Okay, I will…" The TV caught his eye. "Why are you watching this crap? There's golf on."

"No. Frigging. Golf." She looked at him pointedly and picked up half of her sandwich, struggling to keep the lettuce he put on there in the sandwich. A glob of mayonnaise plopped onto her shirt, the lettuce sliding out with it. "Fuck," she whispered, trying not to let Mike see what a mess she'd made of herself. Too late.

"Aww Lynn, let me get you a napkin. Don't move." He jumped up and ran out into the kitchen. Lynn felt hot tears of embarrassment prick at her eyes. It was like the time she spilled the whole can of beets on herself because she wanted to be the big girl. And here she was making a mess. The tears fell, and she shook, squeezing her eyes shut. She heard Mike walk back in,

"I'm sorry, Mike. I'm sorry." She sobbed. She was still holding the damn sandwich. Mike plucked it out of her hands and wiped her shirt off.

"Lynn, it's okay. I should've paid attention – "

"Why, because I'm like a fucking child in a grown woman's body over here? I can't handle the simple task of putting a sandwich to my face." She punched at her leg, missing, and hit the plate instead. It landed on the floor, cracking. It made her cry harder. "I can't even eat a simple sandwich, Mike! How am I going to take care of myself? How am I going to shower, and get dressed?"

Mike waited until she calmed down to answer her. He cleaned up the mess and pulled her bag over to him and pulled out a clean shirt for her. "Let me take your shirt off, we'll put this new one on." This launched Lynn into a fresh sobfest.

"I'm not an invalid Mike." She raised her arms obediently anyway, allowing him to put the shirt on her. He sat down beside her, wiping her face clear of the tears.

"Lynn, You can't do some things. You won't be able to for a while. Now, you can sit here and be miserable about it or you can let me help you, like I told you I would. We both thought the sandwich would be easy; clearly we were wrong. Don't get upset. It's going to be okay." He put his arms around her; she did her best to reciprocate. "Are you all right?" Lynn nodded. "Okay. Let's get back to the brats then." He helped her eat her sandwich and together they watched the very best in Sunday morning programming – in Lynn's mind anyway.

_A/N – The song Lynn sings in her sleep is – and I'm not making this up – "Dustin Hoffman's Children Don't Enter The Bathroom" by Of Montreal. This is a long chapter, but I'm kind of sketchy about it. Eh. Let me know what you think. Thank you!_


	10. Chapter 10

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: Dick's, not mine._

_A/N – I'm going to try to finish this up soon…like in the next day or so. I'm leaving for Albany on Sunday morning and I'll only be home on weekends for the next eight weeks. Maybe I'll get some inspiration there or something. Hah! Well, I hope this chapter comes out better than the last one. I needed something to bring Mike and Lynn closer together, but it didn't come out as good as I'd hoped. And to Boohoo650 – I almost did have her running into a mailbox. I nearly died when I read your review. Okay, enough babble – let's do this!_

_**Six Months Later…**_

Bobby pushed Nan in the swing at the park, listening to her laugh every time she went up in the air. She was a very bright little girl whose favorite activities involved playing airplane with Uncle Mike, finger-painting with Aunt Lynn and ripping the books out of Aunt Carolyn's hands and pointing to the characters. And, of course, turning Daddy into a human jungle gym any chance she got, which was quite often. She was looking more and more like Alex as time went by. Nan would look at the pictures that have been surrounding her since Alex died and yell ma. He didn't really know if she knew, probably not, but Alex's picture was the only person she referred to as Ma now. He was Da, Lynn and Carolyn were both Lynn, and Mike was Me. Mike got a kick out of that.

It was oddly warm for an October day, but Bobby used it as an excuse for getting out of the apartment. Work was slow, and Carolyn had found some one. She met Avery outside of the restaurant she was trying to escape from due to a very bad blind date. He helped her hail a cab and they'd been inseparable ever since. They celebrated their four-month anniversary earlier that week. It was so cute Mike and Bobby decided they were going to be ill as Carolyn gushed about him. Avery had gone through thorough questioning from both Mike and Bobby and deemed him fit enough for Carolyn after he didn't run away. In fact, Bobby, Avery and Mike had all become close, and much to Carolyn's relief Avery had no problem with her involvement with Nan.

Mike and Lynn had been going strong ever since her accident. He ended up moving in with her; she couldn't stand his place and neither could he. Lynn made him sublet it though, just in case. At work, Mike still played his charming ladies' man routine, and Lynn had a great poker face. Every time Deakins talked to them he almost forgot he knew there was something going on. But they weren't partners, so they were pretty safe.

Bobby looked at his watch – four fifteen. He had to meet Mike and Lynn for dinner in an hour. He listened to Nan's never-ending glee of being pushed by her daddy in the swing and decided another fifteen minutes wouldn't hurt. He kept pushing as a woman with another toddler walked up to them. The dark haired woman smiled as she put the child in the swing.

"I couldn't resist taking her out either. It'll be snowing again before we know it," the woman said. She swung her hair back from her face. She looked like Salma Hayek. Bobby smiled and concentrated on pushing Nan. She spoke to him again.

"I'm Nia and this is my daughter Emer. She'll be twenty months next month. How old is yours?" She pushed a giggling Emer higher.

"Oh, Nan is going to be twenty months as well. I'm Bobby by the way." Ever the gentleman, he reached his hand out to shake hers. What the hell am I doing? He had a silent panic attack She was asking him something, shit! "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

"I asked what you do for a living? I'm a writer."

"Oh that's nice. What do you write for?"

"I do free-lancing for Vogue, Elle…you know, fashion magazines."

God did he know. It was Carolyn and Lynn's shared passion and they were dragging Nan in with them. "Um, yes. I've heard of them."

She frowned for a second. "And…you do?" She raised her eyebrow at him, a smile on her face. Oh, she was pretty. No, no, no…

"I'm, I'm a detective."

"Really? That must be hard on your wife, taking care of the little one while you're out chasing the bad guys. She must be a saint." She controlled Emer's swing so it stopped going so high, much to Emer's dismay. She didn't see the pained look on Bobby's face.

"Uh. Yeah. No, my wife was a detective as well." He looked at his watch again and then looked down at Nan peering over at Emer. She was still a little leery of any children that she didn't know as her cousins. Shy like her father, his mother has said.

Nia caught the hitch in Bobby's throat. "Was?" Bobby nodded. He slowed Nan's swing down. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'll stop being so nosy. It's just rare that you get a bona fide parent here and not a nanny or a super-mommy."

Bobby looked up at her. "Super-mommy?" She laughed and nodded her head.

"Yes, the super-mommies. They are perfect in every way. And I mean every way. Their children are perfect, the schools their kids go to are perfect, and their marriages are perfect. Everything is just perfect. Although, the song "Mommy's Little Helper" springs to mind describing them to you."

Bobby laughed. "I get it." He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm sorry about before. My wife…she died on a case. It's still kind of tough."

"Well I can't say I understand. My husband left me after he found out I was pregnant. Didn't come to see her after she was born, no child support, nothing. I'm glad though. I don't have to share her with anyone but my mom." She half-smiled.

Bobby could sense the bitterness in her voice. Once again he checked his watch. Shit, he was going to be late. "Listen, I hate to run but I was meeting friends for dinner and I've got ten minutes to get her home and cleaned up. And I'll still be late. I did enjoy talking to you, though." He shook her hand again and pulled Nan out of her swing.

"Well, I'm sorry to have kept you. You're a good listener. Must be that detective work." She cringed inwardly. Oh god, that was lame. "I'm in the phone book if you want to know more about the super-mommies. Delaney." She winked at him in a conspiratorial way.

Bobby laughed. "Thanks. See you around." He put Nan in her stroller and started walking back to the apartment. That wasn't so bad. What was he thinking? It's only been six months.

"Da? Me! Me! Me! Me!" Nan bounced in her stroller seat and pointed. Bobby followed her outstretched finger. Mike was, indeed, walking towards them.

"What's going on, little girl?" He bent in front of the stroller to give her a kiss and then stood up and walked the rest of the way back to Bobby's apartment with him. "Where have you been? We've been waiting forever."

"I'm sorry. I took her to the park because it was so warm and I got caught up talking to a woman who was swinging her daughter next to me."

"Oooh. What'd you talk about?" Mike nudged him.

"Nannies and super-mommies, her husband leaving her alone and pregnant, and Alex getting killed. It was good times," Bobby responded sarcastically.

"Just kidding. Sorry." Bobby wouldn't do anything to him in front of Nan. "Was she cute?"

He glared at him. Then he sighed. "Yes. Her name is Nia and she looks like Salma Hayek. Her daughter Emer is the same age as Nan." He looked down at Nan who was clapping her hands at the sound of her name. They reached the apartment and took the elevator up to Bobby's floor where they were greeted with a very annoyed Lynn.

"Where were you? You said you'd be home!" She punched Bobby in the arm and caught the baby as she ran over to her. "Hi, baby girl!"

"Lynn, Lynn, Me, Me, Da, Da," Nan sang to herself as Lynn put her back down again.

"I just have to change her and we'll be on our way. Are Avery and Carolyn joining us or not?" Bobby grabbed Nan and took her to the bathroom to change her pull-up pants. No accidents, he thought to himself. This kid was too easy; he dreaded her teen years already.

"No, they have plans with Carolyn's sister so…" Lynn trailed off. "Well let's go!" Lynn picked up Nan before Mike could get to her and they all left the apartment.

_**Carolyn and Mike – On The Phone Later That Night…**_

"…So, he seemed to like her, but you know how he is." Mike sank down into his couch, Lynn immediately cozying up to him with her book.

Carolyn paced in her kitchen ten blocks away. "Yeah, but it's only been six months. I'm not saying he shouldn't try, but don't make it seem like he must find some one and it must be now." Avery gave her a confused look from the living room. "Bobby met a woman in the park and she told him to call her," she stage whispered to him. Avery nodded and went back to his program. "I wasn't talking to you I was talking to Avery. Oh shut up."

"Well maybe some one should learn to not to talk to other people while she's on the phone. Anyway, I'm not trying to make it seem like he must find some one now. But we should let him know – looking is okay. Getting back into the game is okay. Find some one Alex would have liked to get to know, had circumstances between them been different."

Carolyn got quiet, thinking of her friend. "Yeah…I get what you mean." She leaned against the wall and exhaled slowly. "Mike, I'm still having the dreams. They're not as bad but still…"

Mike looked down at Lynn who had fallen asleep in his lap. "Have you told Avery about them?"

"No." Carolyn whispered. "I don't want to worry him." Carolyn peeked around the corner into the living room. Avery was passed out on her couch. "I'm going to go, Mike. Talk to Bobby."

"Uh-uh. You talk to him. He'll listen to you. He'll think I'm being a dog. Good night." He hung up his phone and tried to think of the best possible way to get Lynn off of him without waking her up.

_**Carolyn's Apartment…**_

Carolyn sat next to Alex on a bench in the park, snow falling softly around them. Alex was catching snowflakes on her tongue. "Alex? I don't know." Carolyn looked at Alex, who seemed to not know she was there. "Alex, can you hear me?" Some one was walking towards them. Alex stopped to watch them walk past the bench, tongue still stuck in snowflake catching position. It was Bobby and Salma Hayek. They kept on walking, hand in hand down the path. Carolyn could feel her face turn red in shame.

"Well. How long has he been seeing Salma Hayek?" Alex grinned at Carolyn.

"Alex, I'm sorry." She put her head in her hands and cried.

"It's all right. I just don't think Salma Hayek will make him happy. Anyone but Salma Hayek." Alex rubbed Carolyn's back.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. It's okay though. I have to go. Thank you." Alex stood to leave.

"Where are you going?" Carolyn grabbed Alex's sleeve.

"You did good." Alex looked behind her, impatient to go. "I have to go now." Alex kissed her friend on the cheek and walked away down the path. Carolyn sat on the bench a little while longer, until Alex was a dot on the path. The alarm went off. Seven AM. Carolyn was in the shower when it dawned on her – there would be no more Alex dreams. She smiled a sad smile and rinsed the conditioner out of her hair.

_A/N- Well, got this is in just in time, now I have to leave...this isn't over yet...Note to The Confused One - it's about damn time! Also, I wanted to post this before I left town so it's not proofread or anything - very sorry about that. Thanks for reading!  
_


	11. Chapter 11

She's Gone

Disclaimer: Not mine, but Dick's.

A/N – To quote Elton John, the bitch is back…at least until Sunday at four! So…this chapter may suck, I'm a little tired (understatement) and I just got done doing two hours of ironing (not an understatement). Read and review and hopefully y'all will like it. Thanks!

Two Months Later…

Carolyn walked onto the eleventh floor of One Police Plaza and took her seat across from Mike who was sporting a large smile on his face. "Are you seriously this happy to be here?" Carolyn looked at her partner strangely. He continued to smile at her and wiggled his eyebrows. "Okay, that's just weird. What's going on?" Carolyn reached for a pen and started on her paperwork, waiting for an answer.

"I know TWO things that you don't know." Mike leaned back in his chair, turning his head to look at who was coming off the elevator. Bobby just walked in carrying two cups of coffee. He sat down in his chair and handed a cup to Lynn. Mike turned back to Carolyn who was now glaring at him.

"Logan – what is the frigging deal?" She rapped her pen on his hand.

"Ow, why'd you do that?" He rubbed his hand dramatically, still grinning. "I told you –"

"I know! You know TWO things I don't know." Carolyn rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Now, care to educate me on the great Mike Logan secret knowledge or do I have to do some off the books detective work?" Carolyn sat back in her chair and hummed the "Jeopardy" theme song.

Mike exhaled loudly in mock exasperation. "I can only divulge one thing at a time. Now, I'm going to get some coffee. Why don't you go ask Bobby what he's doing tonight?" He grinned again and walked towards the break room. Carolyn stared after him and then turned to look at Bobby. He was standing behind Lynn, pointing out something to her on her paperwork. Carolyn stood and walked over to them.

"Hey, Goren, can I talk to you for a minute?" Carolyn motioned for him to follow her and they walked back over to her desk. No sense in beating around the bush. "So…what are you doing tonight?" Bobby looked at her, startled.

"I – uh…I have a, um, I have a date." He looked down at her desk, studying it intently.

Carolyn smiled at him and punched his arm. "You have a date with the Salma Hayek chick?" Bobby nodded, still not looking at her. "That's great, Bobby. She's the one with the kid?" Again he nodded. "Well, good luck tonight then." He looked up at her.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's not too soon?" Carolyn could see the indecision in his eyes.

"It'll be fine. It's been eight months. No one's saying it has to work out, but it's good for you to get out there. Did you call her?"

"Yeah, the day after I met her in the park. We've both been busy though so we both just decided to take the kids with us so we could go tonight." Bobby rubbed the back of his neck, thinking. "How did you know?"

Carolyn looked at him questioningly. "What do you mean?"

Bobby sighed. "Mike told you?"

Carolyn looked up at the ceiling. "Well…not in so many words, but yes."

"Well," Bobby had a mischievous look in his eye, "did he tell you anything else?"

"So is it just keep Carolyn out of the loop day or what? He said he knows TWO things I don't and now it's down to one thing. What's the second one?"

"Oh no, that's for him to tell you – not me. Forget I said anything!" Bobby started back to his desk. Carolyn shook her head and sat back down. Well, today was certainly going to be an interesting day.

Bobby's Apartment, That Night…

"Good job, Nan!" Bobby caught his daughter as she jumped into his arms. Nan's new favorite thing was to get herself dressed. Well, as best she could anyway. She could pull up her pants and get her shirt on, but Daddy would have to do the rest. "Want to get Daddy your sneakers?" Nan wriggled out of his arms and ran towards the front door of the apartment. Bobby's cell phone rang. "Goren? Hey, how are you?" It was Nia. "Yeah, I'll buzz you up." He hung his phone up and walked towards the front door. Nan barreled into him with enough force to knock her down. There was that heavy pause and then the wail. "Oh shit, Nan! Baby, come here." Bobby knelt down and picked up Nan who was screaming bloody murder in his ear. He rubbed her back as he walked to the door to let Nia and Emer in.

"Oh what's wrong?" Nia adjusted her daughter on her hip and stood behind Bobby to get a good look at Nan. "What's going on, baby girl?" Nia reached for Nan's hand and stroked it with her thumb. "It's okay, Daddy's got you." Nia shushed at Nan until she calmed down and peered at Nia through her eyelashes, spiky from the tears.

Bobby angled his head to look at Nan's face. "That's the quickest she's ever calmed down." He sat Nan on the kitchen table so he could put her sneakers on her. Nia put Emer down. Emer clung to Nia's leg.

"Works like a charm on this one. Sometimes I think she's doing it just to get me to baby her." She looked down at her daughter. Emer looked back at her, her big brown eyes wide. Emer pointed at Nan.

"Baby cry, mama?"

Nia snorted. "Yes, the baby cried. It's okay." Bobby put Nan on the floor and Emer promptly toddled over to her. They stood next to each other, almost at attention and regarded their respective parents. Again, Nia snorted. Bobby looked at her and grinned.

"Little soldiers. So, where would you like to go that's child tolerable?" Bobby put his jacket on and knelt down to zipper Nan and Emer's as well. Nia smiled as she watched him.

"M-C-D-O-N-A-L-D-S…but after BP." Nia adjusted her purse and grabbed Emer as she ran towards her.

"BP? Oh…I've got it. Well, let's go then." Bounce Place…the equivalent of a tavern for children. Bobby took Nan's hand and they exited his apartment into the evening.

Carolyn's Apartment…

"All right! Now, Mike Logan – what is going on? You have been driving me nuts all frigging day!" Carolyn sat at her kitchen table with Mike and Lynn.

Lynn looked at Mike and grinned. Her whole body started shaking with laughter as she and Mike just stared at each other.

"Oh my God. You two are retarded for each other. I give up. I'm going to go watch "Ghost Hunters" and when you feel like you two can act like adults – let me know." Carolyn stood, grabbing her mug of coffee and walked towards the living room.

Lynn stood and ran over to her. "Want to be a godmother?"


	12. Chapter 12

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: Totally not mine! Totally all Wolf's!_

_A/N – Week 2 done – guns next week. Oh, the fun to be had…oh! And I got my dress blues. I now have a dorky hat – good times. So…yeah, Lynn's knocked up; how about that! Some language in this chapter – just a warning. Hope y'all enjoy!_

Carolyn stood stock still in the middle of her kitchen, her mouth hanging open in a most unattractive fashion. "Excuse me? Did you say godmother? Did I hear you correctly?"

Lynn grabbed Carolyn's hands and smiled. "Yes. I am with child."

Mike snorted and walked over to Carolyn. "Bobby's going to be the godfather. We found out the other day at work, but you were on your "personal day" with Avery."

Carolyn closed her eyes for a moment at the sound of her boyfriend's name. Oh, to tell or not to tell…Not. Well, not yet. She opened her eyes and looked at her friends. "Of course I'll be your illegitimate child's godmother! What else are friends for?"

They all laughed and walked into the living room, settling in for a "Ghost Hunters" marathon, which Mike mocked relentlessly.

"I just don't understand why they are so hung up on EMF readings. Who cares?" Mike shook his head in exasperation.

Lynn slapped him on the thigh. "They're very important. Just like the voice recordings. God, I love when they get a voice recording." She smiled and hugged herself. "That's the coolest thing."

Carolyn stared at Lynn. Who would've thought Lynn of all people believed in the ghosts? She shook her head at the thought. "So, anyway, how far along are you?"

"About nine weeks." Lynn stood up to grab the blanket off the back of the chair, looking pointedly at Mike. "And don't say nine and a half. This is not some tawdry Kim Basinger film – it's the life span thus far of our child, so shut your mouth."

Mike complied. "Fine, I won't say anything…except in two more weeks I'm going there and you can't stop me because the reference will be apt."

"Nine weeks? And Bobby has known for how long?" Carolyn felt a little annoyed about being left out.

"He's known for about a week. We were going to tell you guys at the same time, but we couldn't get a hold of you outside of work." Mike shrugged. "Sorry, but it's true. What's been going on anyway?"

Carolyn turned to face the TV. The previous season's finale was starting. Good, time to change the subject. "I'll tell you later. The finale is on and I missed this one."

Mike and Lynn exchanged glances. Something was up, but Carolyn seemed determined to keep her mouth shut.

_**Bobby's Apartment, Post Date…**_

Bobby sat on his couch, nursing a beer, staring past the ghost show that was on his TV. Nan had finally fallen asleep. He contemplated calling Mike or Carolyn but thought better of it. They were so hopeful for him. He was so hopeful for him. How could tonight have gone so wrong? Bobby tipped the beer bottle to his mouth. Empty – damn it, Bobby thought. He picked himself up off the couch and trudged into the kitchen.

The date had gone sour the minute they stepped into McDonald's. Emer was a terror to behold. Nia and Bobby had walked into the play area and let the girls down. The second they hit the ground, Emer pushed Nan down and ran to get to the ball area. Every time Nan tried to do something with Emer, Emer would knock her down. Bobby spent most of his time consoling his daughter, glaring at Emer and losing more and more respect for Nia. Nia sat blithely on her child size bench, picking at French fries and laughing when Emer went down the slide headfirst. She did nothing to stop her daughter's behavior. And it wasn't just Nan Emer liked to pick on; she hit other kids as well. Several parents glared in Nia and Bobby's direction, but none had come up to them directly. Bobby started to comment several times on her behavior, but Nia brushed him off. He was just about to grab Nan and leave when the manager came up to them and asked if they would leave, due to other parents complaints. Bobby had never been more embarrassed. He grabbed Nan and left, leaving Nia to create a scene in the middle of Play Land.

Bobby grabbed a second beer and shuddered at the memory. How could anyone be that terrible with their child? He felt like even more of an ass because he hadn't gotten Nan out of there quicker. The poor kid cried the entire walk home. Bobby flopped back onto the couch, causing one of his pictures to fall down on the end table. He picked it up, putting it back into position. Alex, just after she found out she was pregnant, and Carolyn holding up the positive test smiled back him. He half smiled. He wondered what she would think of all of this. Bobby started to turn his attention back to the TV show when there was a knock at the door. Groaning, Bobby stood up to answer it. A bedraggled looking Avery looked at him through red-rimmed eyes.

"You have to make her take me back. It was a mistake." Avery collapsed against the wall outside of Bobby's door.

"What are you talking about?" Bobby pulled Avery in and sat him down at the kitchen table.

"She kicked me out. She caught me with that girl and she kicked me out." Avery stared intently at the patterns in the wood of the table.

"What girl?" Bobby's heart dropped as his temper boiled. If Avery had hurt Carolyn…

"Nia, man, she caught me with Nia." Avery put his head down on the table.

Bobby stared at the back of Avery's head. If it weren't for Nan in the next room, he'd knock this guy out. "Wait, you were with the girl I was dating, cheating on my friend with her and you want me to get you back in?" Bobby paced his kitchen, his hands on top of his head to keep from doing something stupid. "Get the fuck out of my house, now." His voice had dropped, low and scary and at the same time calm and steady.

Avery looked at him and backed out. "Okay, man. It's cool. I didn't know you were dating her."

"But you forgot that you were with Carolyn? Get out." Bobby opened the door. Avery shut up and walked out. Could this night get any shittier? Bobby picked up the phone and called Carolyn.

_**The Next Day – One Police Plaza…**_

Lynn sat at her desk, her hands gripping the sides. Bobby was completely involved with his paperwork, Carolyn was in the break room, and Mike was on the phone with a possible lead. She debated on whether or not the nausea would pass and if not, could she sprint to the bathroom in time? She tried taking some cleansing breaths. Not working. She bolted from her desk, ran towards the bathroom, slamming her knee into the doorjamb on her way in. "Fuck!" She hopped the rest of the way to an available stall, collapsing in front of her new best friend, the toilet.

"Lynn, are you all right?" Carolyn knelt behind Lynn, rubbing her back. "I saw you running."

Lynn sat back up, wiping her face off with some toilet paper. "I'm okay. Such a fun night last night and now the unpleasantness has started. Just wonderful."

"Bobby's still not talking to me." Carolyn backed out of the stall, Lynn behind her.

"Honestly, do you really expect him to be? Avery was cheating on you with Nia and you knew Bobby was interested. But I'm glad that didn't work out. Her kid's a bully and she's a cheater." Lynn swiped at the mascara running under her eyes. "I don't mean to make you feel bad, I'm just saying." Lynn squeezed Carolyn's hand. "Sorry." Lynn gave her a little smile.

"I know, but I told him – I didn't know it was his Nia! I didn't even know this chick's name until Avery told him and Bobby decided to rant about it on the phone!" Carolyn ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "Why won't he believe me?"

"Well, he's ready to kill Avery for hurting you," Lynn said.

Carolyn stopped, touched. Bobby had called her the night before. Mike and Lynn were still over watching TV and checking out baby name books after the marathon ended. Bobby started yelling at her about not telling him about Nia and Avery and Carolyn had no choice but to start explaining to everyone just what had happened.

A week before Bobby's date with Nia, Carolyn had left Tiffany's early in the afternoon. She and Avery were sort of discussing marriage and she liked to go in there to look at the rings for fun. She decided to stop by Avery's office to see if he could grab some lunch with her. Well, he was already grabbing lunch and more…and more's name was Nia. Until Bobby's phone call, she hadn't known it was Bobby's Nia or that the woman was a Nia in the first place. And now all morning Bobby was giving her the cold shoulder, conferring with Mike on cases and where to get lunch – completely excluding her in the process.

"Wow. I don't want him dead, though. I just want Bobby to understand – I didn't know. How was I going to tell him something I had no previous knowledge of?"

"Well, why didn't you tell us about him anyway?" Lynn walked out of the bathroom, Carolyn behind her.

"Before I walked in on them I was at Tiffany's, looking at solitaires. I was a little bit more than a little embarrassed." The pair reached Lynn's desk. Bobby was still engrossed in his paperwork.

Carolyn inhaled deeply. "Bobby, can I talk to you for a minute? Please?" She let out her breath in a rush. Bobby looked up at her impatiently.

"Now? I'm busy." He turned his head back to his desk.

"Stop it! I didn't know! I'm not the Great Kreskin!" Carolyn slapped the papers onto the floor. "I'm sorry I wasn't psychic and couldn't tell you something I didn't know. Happy!" She stormed out, all of Major Case staring after her. Bobby sighed and stormed off to an empty conference room. The door slammed shut, causing Lynn to flinch.

Mike walked over to her. "What the hell is going on? Is he still mad at her?" Lynn nodded. Bobby stamped his way out of the conference room. Mike grabbed him as he walked by. "Man, what the –"

Bobby hauled off and punched him. Mike stood there, stunned for a minute. And then he punched him back. They started fighting, other detectives gathering around to watch.

"Stop it!" Lynn tried to break them up. "Stop – "She was pushed into one of the desks, the corner hitting her directly in her stomach. She collapsed onto the floor, and finally some of the other guys broke up Bobby and Mike.

"Something's wrong with Bishop!" Detective Corey Balanski scooped an unconscious Lynn in his arms. Mike turned, his nose bloodied and his face turned pale at the sight of her.

"Let me take her. Bobby I have to get her to the hospital." Mike took Lynn in his arms and ran to the elevator. Bobby grabbed his keys and called the hospital to let them know they were on their way.


	13. Chapter 13

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: Totally not mine; don't sue – I need my state paycheck!_

_A/N – Special thanks to The Confused One for reading this over! The rifle I qualified with in week 3 requires five 55 grain FULL METAL JACKET ammo inserted into a box type magazine in order to be fired. And be sure to keep your muzzles down range! Shooters ready, be alert, FIRE!_

Lynn woke up in the darkened hospital room, her purpose for being there fuzzy. She focused on the light under the door for a minute before looking around. There was an IV in her arm, and she was hooked up to a monitor. And the monitor was around her belly. She remembered why she was there; the machine strapped around her was a fetal monitor. And it was actually monitoring a heartbeat. Lynn breathed a sigh of relief. Her baby, her and Mike's baby was okay. She tucked herself back under the covers best she could and closed her eyes. It was going to be okay.

**_Meanwhile, down the hall…_**

Mike paced nervously in the waiting room, Bobby glaring at him from where he sat.

"She's okay, chill out." Bobby hunched further down in his chair, closing his eyes. Mike's pacing was seriously aggravating the hell out of him. Footsteps down the hall grew louder until they finally stopped. Bobby opened his eyes and took in the sight of a very pissed off Carolyn. Carolyn was eyeballing both of them back and forth, not entirely sure which one to ream out first.

"You do realize your little stunt today could've hurt her more seriously, could've killed that baby. She's not that far along. And you two are both out of work for the next week, WITHOUT pay!" Carolyn put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "What room is she in?"

Mike looked up at her, ashamed. "Room two twelve. She's been asleep for a while."

"Fine." With that, Carolyn turned on her heel and walked into the direction of where Lynn was laid up.

Mike turned to look at Bobby, who was rubbing his face furiously with both hands. "You need to make it up to her, man. We both do. But you seriously can't still be mad at her for the whole Nia thing." Bobby's head shot up at the mention of her name.

"I'm – I'm not mad at her. I'm mad that she let Avery off so easy. If I didn't have Nan, I would've killed the son of a bitch. I really would've." Bobby hung his head. "I mean, I know how she is, and I can't believe she'd let him get away with it. She didn't even yell at him. She just told him to leave." Bobby looked up, noting Mike's look.

"She was hurt, Bobby. She just got him out of there and kept herself going. I give the woman credit, honestly."

"I suppose you're right. I'm…I'm going to get home. I need some rest, and now I have all the time in the world to get to it." Bobby stood up, adjusting his coat. He started to walk away when he stopped and walked back over to Mike. "I'm so sorry. I should've…should've said that before. And I mean it."

Mike patted him on the back. "Thanks. And thanks for sticking around. I appreciate it. I'll let Carolyn know you went home. Seriously though, you should be apologizing to her." Bobby nodded and Mike watched as he departed around the corner. Mike stuck his hands in his pockets and turned to walk down to Lynn's room.

_**3 AM, Bobby's Apartment…**_

Bobby stood in the middle of the dirt road, not sure how he had gotten there. It was a country road; on either side of it were trees and brush, so dense you couldn't see into the woods if your life depended on it. He started walking, feeling cold despite his jacket. It started snowing heavily, the flakes covering his eyelashes, turning his black coat white. He noticed some movement on the left side of the road and peered through the snow, trying to make something out. Nothing. Hmm…maybe it was his imagination. He started walking again, and had the distinct feeling that someone was following him. He whirled around. "Alex?"

"Bobby? Why are you so mad?" Alex stood a few feet away from him, her head cocked to the side studying him. "Don't be so mad." They stood for a moment in silence.

"Alex. Alex, what-" Bobby started to walk towards her.

She put her hand up, closing her eyes. "Bobby, I have to go. But…" She trailed off, walking towards him. She leaned up, kissing him. She smiled sadly. "Don't be angry anymore." Touching his cheek, she walked away. The snow fell heavier and Bobby couldn't see her anymore. He woke up slowly, a faint light washing his living room blue. The TV was all static and snow, buzzing low. He sighed, reached for the remote and turned off the TV. He stood up, walking into his bedroom stretching at the same time. He entered his bedroom, startled to see someone already in his bed.

_**The Next Day, Mike's Apartment…**_

Mike rolled over, putting his arm around Lynn, feeling the little bulge of her stomach where the baby was, safe and sound. He smiled and rubbed it lightly. Lynn turned over onto her back, still asleep. The blanket pulled off of her as she turned, allowing Mike a nice view of the bruise where she was pushed into the desk. He grimaced and lightly fingered the area. Now Lynn was awake. She looked at him sleepily, smiling until she saw the look on his face.

"What's wrong, Mike?" She rubbed her hand over his stubble. He shook his head in response. "Fine, be that way." She squeezed his cheeks in her hand. "Say chubby bunny." Mike started laughing and shook his head no. "Say it! Say chubby bunny!" She started laughing with him, releasing her grip on his cheek.

Mike pulled her in close, kissing the top of her head. "Say, since I'm suspended for the week, we have the next nine days to ourselves."

Lynn nodded. "It's good to know you can count."

He kicked her playfully under the blanket. "I was thinking, we could make this official and use these nine days as a…what do you call it? A honeymoon?"

Lynn turned to look at him. "Are you serious? Like, when?"

"As soon as we take a shower, get dressed, grab some coffee and find some place to marry us today." Mike wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"If you're serious, let me go so I can shower first!" Mike laughed and let Lynn go. Lynn jumped out of bed, grabbed a towel and bolted towards the bathroom. Mike rolled onto his back, smiling. Everything was working out all right, at least for them. He wondered about Bobby and Carolyn and if Bobby had gotten around to apologizing to Carolyn. Mike sighed and got out of bed as well, grabbing another towel and went to join Lynn in the shower.

**_Bobby's Apartment, Around That Same Time…_**

Carolyn rolled over, opening her eyes. Bobby looked back at her. She sat up quick. "What are you doing here?"

Bobby frowned at her. "This is my apartment. What are you doing here?"

Carolyn looked away from him, long enough to verify that yes, she was in Bobby's apartment and not her own. She remembered what happened and blushed. "I'm sorry, I got drunk at the bar around the corner and you were closer than my place."

Bobby knew she was lying. "Okay, fair enough." Her blush turned scarlet and she turned her back to him. "I'm sorry. I was mad because – "

"I just kicked him out. Believe me, I'd kill him with my bare hands if I could, and that Nia too. But I just wanted him gone. I'm mad, but I'll move on."

"That's why I got so mad at you. I didn't want to believe you would be so placid about that whole situation. I thought you had gone mad or something. That's definitely not you." Bobby sighed and rolled over onto his back. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Carolyn looked down at Bobby and rested her head against the headboard. "I was embarrassed." She hugged her knees to her chest and closed her eyes. "I was looking at solitaires."

Bobby looked up at her, confused. "Solitaires?"

"Of the diamond variety. At Tiffany's. Just before I walked over to his office and caught him with, with her," Carolyn spat out angrily.

Anger flickered over Bobby's face for a moment. "We thought he was good for you, Carolyn. We let you down."

"This is not, totally not your fault. It's nobody's fault. So just shut up right there, okay?" Carolyn got out of bed and grabbed her suit jacket, shrugging it on. "I'm going to go. I'll call you later." She walked towards the front door and put on her shoes.

Bobby hopped up and ran after her. "Carolyn, wait. I'm sorry." They stood looking at each other for a minute. The phone rang. Carolyn grabbed her purse and reached for the doorknob. Bobby grabbed her arm and his phone simultaneously. "Goren. You're what? Well…she's here. Yeah. Okay." He broke out into a huge grin and Carolyn looked at him as if he'd gone mental. "Well, I have to get Nan. Give us an hour and we'll meet you there. Bye."

"Bobby, I just want to go home –" Carolyn started.

Bobby interrupted her. "Mike and Lynn are eloping. We have to get Nan."

Carolyn blinked in surprise. "Now? They're getting married now? How?"

"Mike pulled some strings, but we've only got an hour to be there. Let's go."

And in the same clothes they wore the day before, they took off towards Alex's mom's house to pick up Nan, who earned her start as a bridesmaid early on in life that morning.


	14. Chapter 14

**She's Gone**

_Disclaimer: Dick's, not mine. _

_A/N: Yeah, yeah, so it's been a while! Read and review, please!_

**_2 Years Later…_**

Lynn sat back in her chair, balancing a glass of iced tea on her pregnant belly. Mike joined her out on the porch and watched as Bobby got attacked by their respectful children.

"Well, it's not really fair, our kid kicking his ass, is it?" Mike said, giving Lynn a kiss on the head before joining Bobby on the back lawn. "Henry Peter Bishop-Logan, why are you picking on your uncle?" The little boy stopped and stared wide-eyed at his father, his red hair sticking up every which way. He slid down off of Bobby and toddled over to his father. "I'm gonna tickle you!" The toddler shrieked with joy and ducked through his father's legs and laughed as his dad chased him around, the two finally collapsing on the front lawn, laughing.

Lynn smiled and rubbed her belly. She was due again, any day now, in fact. She gave birth to Henry exactly two years ago. She hadn't even left for maternity leave yet; Henry decided to show up two weeks early. She was in the bullpen, working on paperwork while Bobby was out questioning people…and thus creating more paperwork for her. Mike and Carolyn were arguing over what food to order for lunch when Lynn's water broke. Two hours later, Henry was there. It was the quickest first baby her doctor had ever delivered. Mike had blown their cover by going back to One Police Plaza with "It's A Boy" cigars and handing them out to everybody. Although all anyone had to do was look at the kid to know it was Mike's…except for the fluff of red hair, of course. They had no idea they were having a boy; Henry ended up Henry courtesy of Bobby who was sick of Mike arguing over the phone with Lynn over what to name the poor kid. Henry didn't have a name for four days; everybody referred to him as "the boy". Having learned their lesson, Mike and Lynn found out the sex of this baby – a girl – and chose a name, Ava Grace Bishop-Logan.

Lynn put her iced tea down on the deck and stood up, stretching her back. She laughed as she watched Mike play "airplane" with their son, as Bobby and Nan bounced happily on the trampoline. Nan was four now, and every bit her father's daughter. The patio door slid open, Lynn turned towards the door to see who was coming out. Carolyn's pregnant belly preceded her, followed by a birthday cake, and then Carolyn herself. "Let me help you with that," Lynn said, taking the cake from Carolyn's hands and setting it down on the patio table.

Carolyn waved her hands over head, signaling to Bobby and Mike to come back up on the deck. Carolyn turned to Lynn and smiled. "I still can't believe we got knocked up at the same time." Bobby bounded up the stairs, a giggling Nan in his arms.

"Who wants cake? Nan, do you want cake? I want cake!" Bobby placed Nan down and she promptly ran over to Carolyn, hugging her legs briefly before climbing up into her booster seat so she could reach the table. Mike followed Bobby up the stairs carrying a smiling Henry, placing him in his high chair. Lynn watched him sit next to their son and thanked her lucky stars she had them both.

Carolyn sat down beside Nan, Bobby taking his seat beside Carolyn. They all sang "Happy Birthday" to Henry, who hid his face, too shy to be the center of attention even though it was his birthday. Mike took pictures as Carolyn stood to cut the cake and serve everybody. Bobby watched as Carolyn helped Nan scrape the frosting off of her cake, laughing with the others over the fact that she was the only child they could think of that didn't have a sweet tooth. While the others ate, Bobby toyed with his ice cream. He looked out over his backyard, the backyard that went with the house he and Carolyn had bought to be closer to Alex's family. After Mike and Lynn's elopement, he and Carolyn both went on lots more dates. Correction – lots more bad dates. Carolyn thought she had found somebody twice. The first guy couldn't handle the fact that she was a detective. That was fine, she was used to that. But the second guy, he wasn't comfortable with the fact that Carolyn was so involved with Bobby and Nan. After that, they both sort of woke up and realized…hey, why not date each other? And so, they did. And then they were married on Lynn and Mike's one year anniversary. Lynn and Carolyn joked that if either of them forgot that day, they must both be morons. So, Bobby watched his wife wipe cake crumbs from his daughter's face, as happy as he could possibly be. They were both looking forward to the birth of their son, who was also due to make an appearance any day now.

The party died down as the sun started setting. Lynn and Mike gathered up Henry and made their way back to the city. Carolyn put Nan to bed while Bobby cleaned up the kitchen. Bobby was just starting the dishwasher when Carolyn appeared downstairs, an odd look on her face.

"What's wrong? Is Nan okay?" Bobby asked, walking towards her.

"Um, yeah, she's fine. You should call Alex's mom," Carolyn said, pacing the kitchen, holding her abdomen.

"Why?" Bobby asked. It dawned on him why he might do this. "Oh, I hear you. I'll get your bag, meet me in the car." Bobby took off upstairs, his cell phone already glued to his ear.

**_The Next Morning…_**

Jimmy Deakins stopped at the viewing window and smiled wistfully at the babies that lay in their bassinets. It didn't even seem that long ago that he was looking through a similar window at his own children. He scanned the names on the bassinets, looking for Baby Boy Goren. He was startled for a moment as he recognized an entirely different name – Baby Girl Bishop-Logan. Jimmy smiled and shook his head as he turned to find out what rooms both the women were staying in. "Hi, excuse me, ma'am?" Jimmy tapped a nurse on the arm as she walked by him.

"Yes?" the nurse answered.

"I was wondering what rooms Carolyn Goren and E. Lynn Bishop-Logan are staying in," Jimmy asked politely.

The nurse rolled her eyes and laughed. "Room 213," she answered as she walked away. Jimmy chuckled as he walked down the hall and entered room 213. There were balloons and flowers all over the place. Carolyn was playing Uno with Nan on her hospital bed. Lynn was sleeping, with Henry tucked under one of her arms. Bobby was feeding his new son and Mike was hovering over Alex's mom, who was holding his new daughter.

"Mike, I raised four children, go sit. Now," Alex's mom shifted the baby and pointed to the chair next to Bobby. Mike looked down and made his way over to the chair and started hovering over Bobby.

"Mike, back off," Bobby murmured while watching his son doze off. He took the bottle out of his mouth and adjusted the baby so he could burp him. Jimmy cleared his throat.

"Congratulations, guys. I didn't know you guys had this planned," Jimmy laughed as Mike stood up to greet him.

"Well, we didn't, actually. On our way home, Miss Ava over there," Mike motioned towards Alex's mom who smiled at Jimmy, "decided she wanted out. We drove over to the hospital and who should we run into but the big guy and Carolyn."

"But Milo Alexander beat her. Just something about these Goren kids, just want to get right out in it," Bobby cut in.

"I named him, Uncle Jimmy! Milo from "Milo & Otis" and Alex for Mommy!" Nan beamed up at Jimmy quickly and then turned her attention back to her game with Carolyn. Alex's mom passed Ava back to Mike and took a seat next to Carolyn and Nan.

"She's a very smart girl, that one," Alex's mom said quietly.

**_Later That Night…_**

Carolyn sat at her kitchen table; just the light over the stove was on. She had a hot cup of coffee in front of her. Alex sat next to her, playing with a card in an envelope with Carolyn's name on it. Alex had a small smile on her face as she motioned for Carolyn to follow her upstairs. Carolyn pulled her robe closer around her as she walked up the stairs. Alex stopped at Nan's bedroom door and opened it. Nan was asleep, curled tight into a ball. Alex squatted down next to the bed and ran a finger gently over Nan's tightly curled up hand. She stood back up, kissed her daughter's head and turned to leave the room. Carolyn wiped tears away from her eyes as Alex rejoined her in the hall. "Oh stop, Carolyn," Alex gently chided. She squeezed Carolyn's shoulder and walked down the hall towards Bobby and Carolyn's room. Alex walked quietly into the room, careful not to wake either Bobby or the baby. Alex walked towards Bobby, smoothing away the curls on his forehead. She stopped and watched him for a long time. She smiled and moved towards the baby. "What's his name?" Alex whispered.

"Milo Alexander…we just call him Alex though," Carolyn whispered back. Alex turned to look at her.

"Really?"

Carolyn nodded. "Nan named him; Milo from her movie and Alex for Mommy."

Alex smiled. "That's my girl." She stood up straight and walked past Carolyn out of the bedroom. Carolyn raced after her, hoping she wouldn't disappear again. She found her sitting back down at the kitchen table. When Carolyn entered the room, Alex stood back up. "This is for you," Alex said, handing Carolyn the card. "Open it when I leave. I have to go." Before Carolyn could protest, Alex hugged her friend and walked out the back door. Carolyn stood in the doorway and stared out into the darkness for a long time. Then she remembered the card.

_Carolyn,_

_I knew you'd figure it out eventually. Thank you, and know I love you all._

_Alex_


End file.
